Average Joes - Match Day 5

Average Joes 3 – 1 Blue Giants

 Average Joes notched their third victory in their last group stage match and a place in the quarter finals with a victory over human side the Blue Giants.  Any hopes that playing the humans would be a welcome relief after their battering at the hands of the Orc sides was swiftly dispelled, with the humans putting the boot in at every opportunity, and their suspiciously scaly ogre particularly guilty of some tasty tackling.  This was so effective that after starting the first half with 14 players the rats finished it with only 5 players on the pitch. 3 linerats were seriously injured and being administered to by ‘Joes apothecary – a shady looking character with some bells and a stick – and even rat ogre Shirley was left unconscious.  This was most probably karma after Shirley had made an awful mess of an excellent scoring opportunity, swinging and missing twice on an easy block to leave gutter runner Cotton McKnight out on a limb, and subsequently pushed into the crowd; the humans not missing a trick there!  The Blue Giants took advantage of their numbers to seize the ball after the crowd returned it, and dash down the pitch where not even a last ditch attempt by rat thrower Murdock was enough to stop them making it 1-0. 

This was the traditional game of two halves however.  The magic sponge (or bells and a stick) obviously worked wonders in the dressing room because Average Joes were able to field 11 players for the start of the second half.  Meanwhile the Blue Giants found their gloves has been tampered with, and their blocks were of much less effect.  A training ground set piece during the first drive saw the rats grab the equaliser; gutter runner The Rat making no mistake as he made a beeline for the endzone after his team had made the gap.  The Blue Giants had the ball back, but with rat ogre Shirley back on the pitch they lost it far too easily and once again found themselves playing catch-up to a gutter runner as Cotton made up for his first half crowd surfing action by slipping away and scoring number 2.  The humans seemed to lose heart at this hammer blow of 2 touchdowns in 5 ratty turns, but gamely played on with half of the second half remaining.  However the skaven side were now on song, and picked off the edges of the human cage until the ball carrier was exposed once more, this time to storm vermin Tank.  He slammed in a blitz, and the ball went loose to be picked up by The Rat, and handed off to Cotton to speed almost the length of half the pitch to make it safe at 3-1 and send the 15,000 ratty fans – more than twice the 7,000 humans – into raptures.

Average Joes 2013 - Match Day 4

Average Joes 0 – 2 Orc Knees

Another day to forget for Average Joes as they lost back-to-back games for the first time in four years, and failed to register on the scoreboard in five years and five tournaments.  The two victories gained earlier in the campaign mean they should still qualify for the upper knockout rounds, but may now face meeting the winner of group 1 unless they gain an impressive victory over their match day 5 (last group game) human opponents.

This was ‘Joes third consecutive matchup against an Orc side, and it showed with a rating difference of 20, thanks to more injuries – this time it was rat Ogre Shirley and gutter runner The Rat who were unavailable.  The orcs won the toss and chose to receive in the midst of a first half snow blizzard.  The blizzard abated at half time, but only after the ‘Knees had scored and ‘Joes had lost two players seriously injured, of which they felt the loss of storm vermin Tank the keenest.  Luckily a couple of dodgy looking (and fairly masculine) bloodwiser ‘Babes’ convinced the several knocked out rats that the pitch was the safest place to be in the second half.  The Orcs had sportingly scored relatively early in the first half – turn 6 – and the rats had a chance at stealing a touchdown back immediately, but a combination of poor planning and a comical failed leap attempt by Pepper Brooks kept the score at 1-0.

The second half saw ‘Joes carry on where they left off, with an inept cage, followed by a gutter runner (Cotton McKnight this time) failing a simple dodge to leave the ball loose when it was easier to score.  They managed to fashion a third chance at equalising, but most of the 19,000 crowd were unsurprised by this time to see linerat ‘Dive’ fall over in the Orc endzone, and gift the Orcs the ball.  At this point the majority of ‘Joes 10,000 fans left the stadium.  The rats delaying tactics were dogged by more incompetence in the dodging department, and the orcs went on to score their second late on and put the seal on a solid victory.

Post-Game

In terms of tactics Average Joes improved on their previous two appearances verses Orc sides, choosing to stand off and let the opposition do the running while the rats took few casualties, whereas in previous matches they had got too close and suffered for it.  The lack of injuries could also be attributed to the Orcs failure to remove their kid cloves before kickoff.  A significant number of dodges were failed, along with 3 easy critical rolls which would have given an equaliser – by the third it became clear it simply wasn’t ‘Joes day.  On the up side however the two injured rats both recovered enough to return on match day 5 against the humans in the rats last attempt at gaining some points to boost them up the table and away from the big guns.  A full team of 15 players will be available.

Average Joes 2013 - Match Day 3

Average Joes Vs Orcland Raiders

The First Half

Match day 2 brought the second consecutive meeting for ‘Joes against an Orc side in front of 27,000 fans (14,000 ratty flag wavers); brace yourselves ratty fans because it wasn’t pretty!  The early part of the game saw the rats kick to the orcs, and then try to lay into their green opponents, with newcomer ‘Shirley’ (the rat ogre) knocking out a black orc, and Tank the storm vermin matching this feat.  However the greenskins struck back and blister No.10 took out gutter runner The Rat, a serious injury which will also cause him to miss the next game.  3 line rats were also knocked out before the end of the half.  In terms of ball-play the Orcs had worked it down their right, eventually sending a blitzer free running for the endzone.  He wasn’t quick enough and storm vermin La Fleur blocked him, regaining the ball for ‘Joes who, with time ticking down, tried an improbably throw over the top.  The target gutter runner missed his catch and the ball dropped free, only for the orcs to pick up and using a hitherto unknown orc tactic of ‘throwing’ passed it forwards enough for a lineorc to score an improbably touchdown in the last seconds.

               

Second Half

With only eleven players at the start of the match Average Joes were now down to 9 for the opening drive – 2 having recovered from being knocked out, while the orcs had no such issues.  The previous weeks orc side; the Greenskin Hackers, had really caused a problem!  The scores were soon level however, with the orcs kicking to the rats, and a controversial touchback giving gutter runner Pepper Brooks the ball.  A cage on the ratty left then gave him a vehicle to move forwards into the ‘Raiders half.  The orcs ignored the gapping gap which Pepper subsequently ran through and carried on hitting instead while the gutter runner levelled the scored at 1-1 on turn 2 of the second half.

From then on it was more of a battle than a match, and more of a massacre than a fair fight.  A string of injuries and knockouts crippled ‘Joes, with the Black Orc No.7 causing the main one as he injuried ‘Shirley’ the rat ogre.  The earlier scorer; No.10, put the boot in on linerat Dwight so thoroughly that he was pronounced dead at the pitch side, and Black Orc No.8 clattered into linerat Justin, sending him into the crowd – the green half sadly.  This wasn’t the end either as another 3 rats ended up in the knockout box, and a further 1 in the crowd, but the friendly side this time.  Towards the end of all this damage the orcs finally scored their second against a team of 6 rats (most of which were lying prone on the floor), with orc blitzer No.11 going over the line to make it 2-1. 

The rats set up for a last drive – 2 turns remaining, and only 6 players left, but this included two gutter runners, including top scorer Pepper Brooks, so they still had a slight chance of a draw.  However, even as the ball fell towards the pitch from the kickoff the orcs launched a Blitz and swamped the rats line.  With no other option Pepper picked up the ball and ran, but demonstrated the rats luck throughout the second half when he slipped and fell while trying to leap the orc line.  A last attempt by the ‘Raiders to score number 3 was foiled by their own catching ability, and the game ended in an orc victory, two touchdowns to one.

Team Update – Injuries & New Recruits

2 players are missing for the next game, which will be against orc opposition for the third time, reputed to be one of the best in the competition.  A 3^rd player; linerat Dwight, died during the match, and his place has been taken by a new linerat recruit.  ‘Joes coach has also taken on an apothecary.  This reduces Joes to 12 players.

Dwight – Dead.

Shirley – Smashed hand; punched an orcs head.

Justin – Full recovery, no-one knows how.

The Rat – Broken jaw.

Average Joes 2013 - Match Day 2

 With the departure of their June opponents; The Greenskin Hackers, for a promotional tour of France and outer Mongolia, Average Joes had to wait two months for the Orcs return and match day 2.  As both teams took to the pitch at the Deeside Defenders venue the Orcs (head coach David Astley) were certainly slightly worried, and the rats confident, and with good reason.  The Orcs won the toss and opted to receive, but their initially organised defence broke down early on, with a spilled ball allowing gutter runner Cotton McKnight to score what would be his (its?) first of two.  Ratty touchdown two came soon after, with more appalling Orc luck seeing a double skulls on their smacking dice, and the ball whisked away for another Cotton touchdown, 3-0 at half time and the Orcs looking dishevelled with only a knocked out storm vermin to show for it.  This low injury count was a relief to the ‘Joes coach, who only had 11 players available due to the injuries to gutter runner The Rat, and storm vermin Tank from match day 1 ruling them out.

  

The second half opened with Average Joes receiving, and breaking away down the left with a well organised cage and a sprint from Pepper Brooks after a Murdock (thrower) handoff for ‘Joes 4^th , touchdown.  And half way through the second half it was five, with Pepper Brooks completing his hat trick following an accurate pass from Cotton.

Once they got the ball back however the Orcs were a different proposition, and with an organised offence and good caging tactics spent the remainder of the 2^nd half gradually moving the ball down the pitch before scoring their first touchdown of the game.  The rats coach was less disappointed with this, than with the manner of the touchdown, coming as it did with several casualties for ‘Joes, all of which will now miss their next game.  Pepper, unsurprisingly perhaps, claimed the MVP.

Team Update – Injuries & New Recruits:

3 players are missing for the next game against another Orc side; The Maulers.  This reduces ‘Joes to a mere 10 players, so the coach has chosen to spend all of his 130,000 gold pieces hiring Shirley; a rat ogre.

• The Lone Rat – Smashed ankle following a heavy black orc challenge.
• Dodge – Fractured arm after he made a mess of dodging (irony) and fell flat.
• Murdock – The thrower survived with only a pinched nerve after being pushed into the crowd.

Average Joes 2013 - Match Day 1

Its been a while since the last post, so I'm going to keep this simple: I Won.  

And now onto the slightly more complicated version.

Average Joes  2 - 1  R Sovertit

The rats turned up for their opening group stage match against the comically named R Sovertit, an Amazon side coached by the indomitable Pete Derrick.  Defeat would have been a bad start to the campaign, victory could have meant a long walk home (the opposition was providing the team bus for the evening).  Fortunately it was a quite close game so neither eventuality happened.  The rats scored first, with an unsurprising gutter runner break through after the Amazons put 'Joes in to bat first - scorer Cotton McKnight.  The first half finished at 1-0, although it could have been worse for the dodging women but the rats made a mess of it.  A fair bit of bang-the-rat was going on however, and 'Joes were only just able to field 11 players at the start of the second half.

That didn't last long, and 'Joes were soon into single figures in terms of players.  The Amazons took advantage and scored an equaliser, celebrating by bashing a gutter runner into the next century.  Weakened in terms of player numbers the rats were still dangerous, and with minutes to go took the lead for the second time, Pepper Brooks (the only gutter runner not unconscious) running in after a hand-off.  There wasn't enough time for an Amazon reply and Average Joes celebrated a victory in their first game of the campaign.

'Joes next opponents are an Orc side, coached by David A, and they will face them with only 11 players from the start; storm vermin Tank suffering from a niggling injury in the form of a fractured leg (!), while gutter runner The Rat also misses out due to a pinched nerve.  Vicious those Amazons.

Average Joes 2013: On The Match To Deeside

Yes its time once again for an Average Joes outing, and with the yearly Deeside Defenders tournament about to commence its time for this years team:

May I introduce a team with style, verve and fur.  A team quicker than an American upon hearing the words “free burgers!”  A team lead by a man wearing the worlds most dashing cloak and sporting award winning hair.  Indeed it is a team which was separated from immortal Deeside title-winning glory by a last minute disaster of bad luck, a very bad hair day, and a truck load of Norsemen (and Dave Winters superior tactics - ahem).

I give you: Average Joes, the skaven speed daemons!

Storm Vermin ‘La Fleur’         Block               90,000g

Storm Vermin ‘ Tank’             Block               90,000g

Throwing Rat  ‘Murdock’        Pass, Sure Hands       70,000g

Gutter Runner             ‘Cotton McKnight’       Dodge             80,000g

Gutter Runner             ‘Pepper Brooks’          Dodge             80,000g

Gutter Runner             ‘The Rat’                      Dodge             80,000g

Line Rat                       ‘Dodge’                        Block               50,000g

Line Rat                       ‘Dive’               Block               50,000g

Line Rat                       ‘Duck’              Block               50,000g

Line Rat                       ‘Dip’                 No Skill            50,000g

Line Rat                       Justin               No Skill            50,000g

Line Rat                       Dwight             No Skill            50,000g

Line Rat                       The Lone Rat              No Skill            50,000g

Fan Factor = 2 x 10,000 = 20,000

Re-rolls = 2 x 60,000 = 120,000g

Cheerleader = 1 x 10,000

Assistant Coach = 1 x 10,000

Head Coach = Lord Derek Tiberius Flasheart

I know, hardly original but its entertaining, and it tends to get past group stages, if only I could actually win a knockout match as well!  And here is this years groups and layout, I've pulled out of the bag (literially) group 2, which sees Pete and David as my first opponents.

Bloodbowl Groups and Games for 2013
Group 1		Group 2
1. Paddy		7. Rick
2. Big Si		8. Pete D
3. Dafydd D		9. Dave Mc
4. Phil		10. William
5. Dave W		11. James
6. Ian S		12. David A

Average Joes - The Rats Rise Again - Part 6

Average Joes Vs. Lakhti Longships

Quarter final time, and once again Average Joes have fallen foul of the knockout stages.  With ‘Joes starting the game by kicking to Lakhti Longships the first half was characterised by two touchdowns and two injuries.  Firstly a linerat was able to breach the Norse defence and knock the ball from their player into the skaven section of the crowd, who promptly threw it over the head of The Rat for it to run onto and open the scoring.  Then storm vermin and ‘Joes team captain La Fleur was injured by a furry thing with legs and claws, before Benedict; the skaven rat ogre, took revenge on the furry thing to leave the injury box score at 1-1.  There was time for the Norse to wriggle free and score an equalising touchdown, and this triggered an unhelpful riot in the stands which ended the half to the disadvantage of the skaven.  Overall, however, the first half, in front of 10,000 ratty fans and 9,000 bearded norse men and women, had gone mostly to plan.

The second half was unremarkable for the first third, with ‘Joes thrower Murdock holding onto the ball in the hope of finding enough space for a pass to set a gutter runner away.  However, the pass never came, as Murdock tripped while dodging a tackle, releasing the ball which fortuitously bounced into the arms of the Norse’s top scorer.  At that moment the whole game turned as ‘Joes lost two more players to serious injuries (both gutter runners, including The Rat, leaving none on the pitch), and 3 to the knockout box including Benedict who fell foul of a lucky hit from the snow beast.  With just six players on the pitch, and not many skills between them, the remaining skaven worked hard to try and force the ball either out, or at worst case over their own line so they could try and keep in the game.  However, it wasn’t too be, luck had truly deserted them, and the opposition played a cunning game of holding the ball up until the last moment before making it 2-1 with seconds remaining.  Average Joes were out.

In the post match interview Lord Flasheart admitted he might have approached the game with too much confidence, and felt he had made a number of poor tactic decisions.  The Norse now go on to play Paddy’s Norse in the semi-finals, while Average Joes go back into semi-retirement once more.

Average Joes - The Rats Rise Again - Part 5

Build up to the Quarter Finals:

Although no final group stage table has been forthcoming we do know the line-up for the knockout stages of the the Deeside Defenders 2012 Bloodbowl tournament.  At this point the competition divides into two parts, with the lower teams fighting it out for the Little Cup, and the main Bloodbowl 2012 Cup being contested by the top 8 teams.  Average Joes success means they enter the main cup, and will face a familiar opponent in the form of Dave Winter's Norse team Lakhti Longships.

The teams meet in the first round of the season, with 'Joes running out 3-0 winners, in a scoreline that flattered them, and a game characterised by poor Norse luck.  With 3 games played since then (although only 2 by 'Joes) they will be an altogether tougher proposition this time around, and that is without taking into account Average Joes notoriously poor luck in the knockout stages of competitions!

Teams News:

One of 'Joes key players; gutter runner Pepper Brooks, misses the game with broken ribs after an unfortunately fall into the crowd in their last outing against the Ungrateful Dead.  It may be replaced by a linerat before the kickoff to ensure the number of players remains at lucky 13.  Benedict, the newly acquired rat ogre, is fit to play, as is star rat; The Rat, who currently has 18 start player points and 5 touch downs to its name.

The Full Draw:

Bloodbowl 2012 Cup:
Paddy's Norse v Dave Mc Clumpha's Undead - early result 2-1 victory to the Norse
Little Si's Chaos v Ian Hendrie's Human
William Baldwin's Orcs v Grant's Dark Elves
Dave Winter's Norse v Rick's Skaven

The Little Cup
Ian Shaw's Skaven v  James ?
Dafydd's Humans v David Astbury High Elves
Paddy's halflings v Peter D's Undead.

Average Joes - The Rats Rise Again - Part 4

Match Day 4 – Average Joes Vs. the Ungrateful Dead

Match day 4 dawned dull and wet, went on to be mediocre, and after the sun set turned rather dark.  In the dark bit at the end racy skaven side Average Joes played out their final group match against a Necromatic Undead team; the Ungrateful Dead, coached by Dave Mc.  With a substantial sum in the bank Lord Flasheart (Derek to his special friends) brought a big reserve in to replace the thrower killed in a freak on the ball incident during match day 3.   His choice was controversial; a rat ogre named Benedict, and an apothecary rat was soon to follow – his medical qualifications being an ability to ring bells very loudly and hit players with a stick; Lord Flasheart actually considers him over qualified.  Even with this re-enforcement the loss of gutter runner Pepper Brooks to injury meant ‘Joes started with only 12 players against a team fielding 14, including an unhealthy spattering of wights (2 of), werewolves (2 of) and a flesh golumn.  The bulk of the undead team was made up of ghouls and zombies.  For the first time the ratty fans were outnumbered, with 10,000 furry bodies packing the part of the stadium not taken up by 15,000 dead wotsits.

First Half

The undead won the toss, and elected to receive in the opening gambit of an eventful game.  Unfortunately the ghouls hadn’t practiced picking the ball up beforehand (a reoccurring theme), nor the art of defending the carrier once he (it?) had managed the task.  This meant that turn 2 was barely over when linerat Duck flattened the ball-carrying ghoul, who spilled the ball in gutter runner Cotton McKnights direction, and a decent throw later sent the other skaven gutter runner; The Rat, scampering away for 1-0.  The Rat was to have a field day.

Most of the first half would be over before more end-zone action appeared, and once again it was The Rat, profiting after storm vermin Tank had knocked out a zombie and the ball fell loose again.  With the score at 2-0 there was time for linerat Justin to suffer a fractured skull (courtesy of a werewolf), and Tank to intercept a hopeful Undead attempt at a long pass in the skaven half.

Second Half

The second half started in a similar way to the first; with a gutter runner scoring in turn 2.  This time Average Joes received, and, after thrower Murdoch made a bit of a hash first time round at handing the ball over, a linerat flattened a threatening werewolf (they sure move fast!) and opened space for a superb touchdown - Murdoch handing it off to The Rat, who ran a third of the length of the pitch before finding Cotton McKnight with a precise pass.  Another third of the pitch later and it was 3-0.  At this point it all kicked off over “who had said what to our Sharon” in the Undead fanzone, and before the referee could remember the latin translation of “oooh, that’s not good” a riot was in progress.  Sadly neither team suffered any injuries, and when order was restored a good while later the nearest zombie to linerat Dodge remedied that fact with a serious injury in turn 5.  This didn’t stop the ratty scoring machine however, with storm vermin La Fleur throwing the block that dispossessed the ghoul with the ball, and Cotton made a long pass to set The Rat away for his hat-trick and Average Joes fourth.

There was just time at the end for a serious injury to Cotton’s tail (shouldn’t keep him out of the next match however), caused by a werewolf finally breach some shaky skaven defending to make it 4-1 the final score.  Linerat Duck managed to claim the fans Most Valuable Player award for not getting squashed by the flesh gollumn, while the rat ogre managed to do virtually nothing all match apart from shove at the golumn while it shoved back and neither went far.

Post Game Analysis

This victory leaves Average Joes in the top segment of the league at the end of the group stage, and unbeaten on a Bloodbowl pitch this season.  The last gasp SP points gained by the Ungrateful Dead also saw them hold onto their position in the top half despite their heavy defeat, with the only other skaven team in the competition the losers, dropping to the second tier.  Finally many thanks to Coach Dave Mc for his really positive attitude, effort and sportsmanship, even when the gutter runners were making the scoreline look particularly bad!  Hopes are high that the final table for Match Day 4 will be released this weekend.

Average Joes - The Rats Rise Again - Part 3

Match Day 2 - Average Joes Vs. Deeside Ankle Biters

Match day 2 should have seen the eagerly awaited clash between the rats of Average Joes and the halflings of the Deeside Ankle Biters; a team coached by champion-elect Paddy.  However, the other work committements of the Average Joes coach; Lord Flasheart, meant that the match was postponed several times, before the time available for it to be played in elapsed and 'Joes were forced to accept the default result of failing to show for a match; a defeat.  This was an extremely disappointing outcome for all, including the halflings who had set their little hearts on ratatooee stew for their post match kitchen show.  With the tournament moving on to Month Four 'Joes would have to wait for their own Match Day 3 to arrive against the human side Wrexham ABC.

Match Day 3 - Average Joes Vs. Wrexham ABC

With a 100% better attendance record for match day 3 than they had achieved for match day 2 Average Joes took to the field against the human side Wrexham ABC, coached by Dafydd.  The humans had had a disappointing season so far, but were still in the hunt for a top 8 finish, and hoped to kickstart this drive with a victory over the rats.  To this end they were able to field 13 of their 15 players, including their ogre.  'Joes were blessed with a full strength squad following their victory several months ago over the Norse of Lakhti Longships, and went into the game with a determination to stand up and be counted, all 13 members of them.  The 11,000 ratty fans outnumbered the oppositions supporters, 8,000 of them, for the second match running.

The humans won the toss and elected to kick to the rats, a sound strategy up to the point where the gutter runners began to take control.  Firstly Pepper Brooks found space and time on the left to pick out The Rat in the endzone to make the score 1-0 with an excellent pass.  Then, after the ball had been dropped and scrambled for by rats and humans the same 'runner made sense of the mess and found the only free rat in the opposition half; storm vermin La Fleur.  It was pulled down before it could break for the endzone, but the humans fluffed another opportunity to clear and equalise when in a good position, and it was The Rat who picked up the pieces and found an unusual hero in the form of linerat Duck who ran in for 2-0.

After a lengthy half time break the teams returned to the pitch, and it was Wrexham ABC who started brighter, with some crunching blocks and passes being strung together before they pulled one back to make it 2-1.  This followed a mistake by The Rat, not for first time during the evening, falling flat on its face as the human blitzer ran home.  In the chaos of celebrating it wasn't discovered until afterwards that some of the humans crunching had caused a fatality among the skaven team, with their reserve thrower being killed!

Further injury would be inflicted later as Pepper Brooks suffered broken ribs from a 'fall' into the crowd, and he will miss the next game.  This didn't prevent Average Joes from sealing the win with a second touchdown through The Rat, who despite his falling over antics had been instrumental in the victory scoring twice and setting up the third.  The game ended 3-1, and gave Average Joes 6pts out of a possible 9pts.  Next months game will be against a new foe; the undead of Dave Mc, and a success against them will see 'Joes progress to the higher table in the next round.

Average Joes 2012 - The Rats Rise Again - Part 2

Match Day 1 – Average Joes Vs. Lakhti Longships

The first opponents for Average Joes in their foray into the Deeside Defenders Championship was the fearsome Norse team of Coach Dave Winters; Lakhti Longships.  Eager for a taste of the unknown the ratty fans outnumbered the bearded ones more than twice over, with 10,000 skaven fans to only 4,000 Viking wannabees, and they were not disappointed.  ‘Joes kicked to Lakhti at the beginning of the first half, but almost immediately a dreadful fumble by the Norse thrower left the ball open, and one of the famed three gutter runners; Pepper Brooks, snatched it up and raced into the end-zone for 1-0. 

The remainder of the half saw the Norse try and force their way down the pitch at the expense of several ratty nose bleeds and an injury to linerat Dip that put him out of the rest of the match. The Norse blitzers with their Frenzy were of particular trouble!  Although they came very close to equalising, a dropped pass, when it seemed easier to score, foiled them.  The second half began with Average Joes receiving for the first time, and they following this up by executing a rough cage on the right side of the pitch.  The ball was handed off in a training ground move by thrower Murdock to Pepper Brooks who once more sped away through a gap in the defence for his second to make the score 2-0, and Lakhti were really up against it. 

They came barrelling back with a serious of crunching blocks and blitz’s, one of which took ‘Joes linerat Dwight out of the match, and several more rats were also knocked out, including storm vermin La Fleur.  A measure of revenge was gained by throwing rat The Lone Rat when it took out a Norse linesman.  The Norse attack took it nearly as far as the skaven endzone before a well-timed tackle ended their hopes and the ball was launched down the field.  In a wild scramble it was gutter runner The Rat who made sense of it all, landing a perfect pass to the last of the famed three; Cotton McKnight, standing in the endzone in the last seconds for a 3-0 victory and a perfect start to the campaign.  Much credit goes to the opposition who played to the spirit of the game right to the end, even when on the wrong end of an exaggerated score-line that hid how close the game was, especially in the second half.

Looking Forward

The month of May doesn’t hold a fixture for Average Joes, so Lord Flashearts team will be reduced to bystanders as the Norse Lakhti Longships face a tough encounter with Wrexham ABC, needed a result to get their season back on track.  Flasheart has declared that he believes his side needs a minimum of 7 points from their 4 games to be guaranteed qualification, and although he refuses to say where they will pick them up this weeks victory was a major step towards that total.  Next up is the Halfling Ankle Biters in June.

We can also now confirm the other teams in ‘Joes group as the following:

Wrexham ABC – Human (Head Coach – Dafydd)

Ankle Biters – Halfling (Head Coach – Paddy)

Lakhti Longships – Norse (Head Coach – Dave Winter)

Anonymous – Necromancer (Head Coach – Dave Mc)

Average Joes 2012 - The Rats Rise Again - Part 1

The Rats Rise Again

It is less than a year since their head coach; Lord Flasheart (Lord Tiberius Derek Archibald Weasel Flasheart to his friends), declared that Skaven side ‘Average Joes’ might have played their last game, but despite that the rats are back.  Abandoning their usual haunt of the RGMB Championship (with currently no 2012 tournament planned), they have been entered into the Deeside Defenders Bloodbowl Championship in the neighbouring province of, um, Deeside.

The Deeside Defenders Bloodbowl Championship

The draw was made last night for the tournaments three groups, with ‘Joes name being draw for the anointed ‘group of death’.  They join ferocious halfing side; The Deeside Ankle Biters (coached by Paddy; a name with a big reputation in Deeside Bloodbowl circles) and the bearded norse warriors of Dave Winter.  Further details of the other two teams will follow in due course.

With 15 teams competing, each of the three groups has 5 sides, who will play their opponents once.  The top two from each group will go on to the semi-finals, with the two best placed third teams also proceeding.  The lower finishing teams in the group stage will go on to play in the semi-finals and final of a runner up competition.  Each side plays a maximum of one match a month, predetermined, the first round and groups being posted below:

Group 1		Group   2		Group 3
Dafydd		Little Si		Grant
Dave W		William		Paddy
DaveMc		Phil		Pete D
Average Joes		James		Ian
Deeside Ankle Biters		Ian S		Dave A
Games
To be completed by 2nd meeting in:				May
Group 1
Dafydd v Paddy1/2			Dave W v Average Joes
Group 2
Little Si v Ian S			William B v James
Group 3
Grant v Dave A			Paddy v Ian

Average Joes 2012: The Team

The Average Joes side of 2012 has few surprises, with the only big decision being made by Lord Flasheart being to leave his tame Rat Ogre at home, in exchange for more reserves and a better re-roll option.  He is joined on the bench by Ratty McFearson, an assistant manager of dubious quality, but a nice line in bell ringing, and a cheerleader who nobody in the camp wishes to talk about.  The regulations of the Deeside league call for entering teams to be worth 1,000,000 gold – where Flasheart has found this from after his year spent gambling and hitting barbarians over the head with pistols we have no idea.  There is a side benefit of an additional 3 linerats (linesmen) being allowed an extra general skill at the beginning.

Storm Vermin ‘La Fleur’         Block               90,000g

Storm Vermin ‘ Tank’             Block               90,000g

Throwing Rat  ‘Murdock’        Pass, Sure Hands       70,000g

Gutter Runner             ‘Cotton McKnight’       Dodge             80,000g

Gutter Runner             ‘Pepper Brooks’          Dodge             80,000g

Gutter Runner             ‘The Rat’                      Dodge             80,000g

Line Rat                       ‘Dodge’                        Block               50,000g

Line Rat                       ‘Dive’               Block               50,000g

Line Rat                       ‘Duck’              Block               50,000g

Line Rat                       ‘Dip’                 No Skill            50,000g

Line Rat                       Justin               No Skill            50,000g

Line Rat                       Dwight             No Skill            50,000g

Thrower                       The Lone Rat              Pass, Sure Hands       70,000g

Fan Factor = 2 x 60,000 = 120,000g

Cheerleader = 1 x 10,000

Assistant Coach = 1 x 10,000

The ‘Joes first game will be against the fearsome Norse, one of two Norseman teams in this years competition, lead by veteran head coach Dave Winters.  It will only be the second time the skaven side have faced Norse opposition, and long-suffering fans will remember with fondness the 3-1 defeat inflicted  on the bearded ones on that occasion.  This time round is likely to be a different story entirely, and may well set out how this year’s campaign will continue.  Stay tuned for more news.

Pre-Season Friendly:

To shake the cobwebs out of the rats fur a friendly was organised against a High Elf side coached by David Astbury.  The skaven ran out easy 4-0 winners against a elf side in a transition period, short of practice itself and trying to settle on a starting line-up.  Two touchdowns in each half with no casualties suffered by either side, with gutter runner Pepper Brooks claiming two, The Rat one, and finally thrower Murdock the last at the end of the second half.  An amicable start to the campaign.

The 2012 Average Joes team after a quick painting touch-up and varnish respray.  The gutter runners now resplendent in red cloaks.

A few reserves hoping to get their chance nearer the end.

The 2011 Average Joe's Fanzine & Season Report

A series of reports charting the fortunes of the Average Joes side in the 2011 RGMB Bloodbowl Trophy.

Week 1

Welcome to this seasons first Average Joes fanzine newsletter, the only place to get your weekly fix of ‘Joes action! Produced by the ‘Joes fan group; The Many And Illegitimate Son’s Of Flash, the Joe-O-Scope aims to bring you the best from the world of RGMB Bloodbowl while remaining totally unbiased and supporting ‘Joes all the way.

This week; ‘Joes First Game - Full Report.
A roundup from the other games of match day 3.
A new additional to the coaching staff.
And team reports ahead of next week.


Average Joes Vs. The Finger Lickers (FT 1-1)

Due to some issues over sponsorship (lack of) it has taken until match day three of this years Bloodbowl Trophy for ‘Joes to become involved, and where better to start than against their old adversary; Al Hardy, and his new team the Chicken Lickers. Having decimated them in a pre-season friendly the 11,000 ’Joes fans that packed the bleachers were hopeful of more of the same, the 9,000 ’Lickers fans struggled to make themselves heard over chants of ’Where’s the Colonel’, and ’I feel like chicken tonight’.

‘Joes captain; Stormvermin Peter La Fleur, won the toss, and elected to kick to the Chaos opposition. There followed an unsavoury period of play which lasted most of the first half, with clearly illegal blocking and blitzing manoeuvres being used by the chickens, and the referee ignoring the loud pleas from the crowd. Finally, after both sides had pushed a member of the opposition into the crowd, the ‘Lickers scored (making heavy weather of it), right at the end of the half, leaving legendary ‘Joes thrower; Murdock, to pick up a sole bonus for his team in the form of a pass competition.

In the second half the chickens kicked to our rats, and they promptly seized upon the ball, and pushed a hole down the right side of the pitch, looking to roll a cage through and break out with gutter runners. The best efforts of the chickens nearly saw the ball lost in a massed shoving match, until Murdock broke free, and scooping up the bladder, launched it downfield into the grateful arms of gutter runner Cotton McKnight who strolled in for the equaliser with a quarter of the game remaining.

After that it looked bleak for our furry heroes however, with a number injured due to the nasty, cheating blocking tactics by the chickens (who clearing hadn‘t heard of none-contact sports), they were down to 10 for the final drive, and soon that was reduced even further. The chickens looked certain to score, but at the last moment went for a party piece throw, which was fumbled by a Chaos Warrior big chicken! La Fleur swept in and scrambled the ball away, however, even with Pepper Brooks also trying to get a cover on it the chickens still looked odds on to score, but an opportune slip by a chaos player left the ball on the floor, and the Finger Lickers had let two points slip away. Final score = 1-1.


Match Day 3:
Two games were played on match day three of the blood bowl trophy, and with Average Joes fighting their way to a well deserved point against the Finger Lickers, it was left to the Orcs to try and stretch their lead at the top against the 'Averland Cannon Ballers'. Initially it looked like they would do so in style, although the humans managed to stem the tide, and as this reporter left to beat the crowds (with a stick) it was still 1-0 to the Orcs, although with no opportunity for a Cannon Ballers’ come back.

New Addition to the Coaching Staff
With the funds gained from their heroic efforts against the Linger Fickers ‘Joes head coach; Lord Flashheart (saintsandallalsortedgodsandgodnessesandsimoncowellpreservehim) has added an apothecary to his backroom staff. The new rat; Ratty of the River, has confirmed that he was delighted to get the offer, and that he believed it would provide an excellent distraction from boating near Toad Hall all the time. Questions of how he will cure the players injuries using just a set of bells and a stick were studiously ignored.

Team Report:
Several injuries were sustained in ‘Joes opening match, with two players set to miss match day 4. Linerat Dip is receiving treatment for a gouged eye, while gutter runner The Rat suffering from a groin strain, although we understand this may have been a play station related injury. This means ‘Joes will be fielding a weakened side of 11 players, with nobody on the bench.

Tune in next week for more ‘Joes action!

Week 2 

This week on the Joe-O-Scope:
Average Joes records first victory.
Controversy about Sportsmanship awards,
Roundup of other game on match day 4.
‘Joes Challenged!


Average Joes vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers

Average Joes head coach; Lord Flash, hesitated not in his quest to challenge the humans of the Golden Cannon Ballers to a game on match day 4. With only one game under his belt, and just the one point from that, the coach clearly felt an urgent need to try and launch his team up the standings. For their part the Cannon Ballers had managed one win in three, and were after some much needed points themselves.

In a good natured atmosphere, and in front of 26,000 fans (a 9,000/17,000 split in favour of the Cannon Baller’s) the two sides playing out a match full of movement and mistakes. Joes started on the defensive, but some early pressure saw their human opponents relinquish control of the ball; although not until their catcher had been subjected to three consecutive blocks and many ratty 2+ go-for-its had been failed! Some fancy manoeuvring (and a bit of line dancing) later and Joes gutter runner Cotton McKnight had engineered enough space for a sprint to the line and the first touchdown of the game. 

The second half saw the rats receive, and try to roll a cage through the centre of the Cannon Baller’s defence. This proved disastrous as the human blitzers broke it open, and with half the rats lying down on the job the Baller’s catcher was able to jog home for the equaliser, despite a desperate last ditch attempt by Joes thrower Murdock to block him out. At 1-1 Joes still had well over half of the second half to go to search for a winner, but an extremely well organised riot broke out in the ‘Baller‘s fans end, and by the time order had been restored only two turns remained; a challenge to be sure! Fortunately our vermin in blue didn’t let us down, creating a near perfect cage down their left, and with storm vermin La Fleur ‘distracting’ the human blitzer with its fist, tail and shoulder Cotton was left free to waltz in a second just moments before the final whistle. 2-1 it finished, and Average Joes have their first victory of the season.


Match Fixing Scandal
FIFA President Sepp Blatter has called for an inquest into the Average Joes Vs. The Golden Cannon Baller’s match, claiming match fixing on the basis that the Joes coach was offering words of advice to his opposite number that were actually helpful! We are unsure where either Mr Blatter, or Lord Flash are looking to go with this, or why the head of FIFA has mysteriously popped up the Old World. More on this story will not be forth coming.

Match Day 4 Roundup:
Once again two games were played on match day 4, with Average Joes victory over the Golden Cannon Baller’s well documented above. The other match saw a 2-0 victory for the Finger Lickers over the dark elf team; Khaines Killers (how they have fallen from grace with their new coach; Fury). This was a match noted for the number of elves harmed in the making of - mostly due to being pushed into the crowd, 6 suffered this fate at the last count! There was also a genuine comedy moment when the dark elf apothecary attempted to practice his art upon one of the team, and turned his broken leg into a broken neck. We are pleased to report that the leg is mending nicely.

Average Joes Challenged!
The day we have feared is upon us - the head coach of the juggernought Orc side that is leading the table has thrown down the glove to Lord Flash and his ratties! Unfortunately ‘Joes have reacted like rabbits in the headlights and didn‘t manage to find a suitable replacement, their best chance appears to be if they are running scared - they might stand a chance of getting away. The Orcs have an unassailable lead at the summit of the table, and are runaway favourites for this years championship. The game is scheduled to be played on match day 5.

Match Day 5 Postponed
Due to the wizards magic tournament in Altdorf next Tuesday match day 5 has been put back a week, and will now be in two weeks time.

Week 3 

This week on the Joe-O-Scope:
Average Joes seal a stunning victory.
The Semi-final draw is announced.
Match Day 6 pre-view.

Average Joes Snatch Unlikely Victory

Average Joes took on the highly rated Orc team; The Drakwald Bruisers, in a match watched by an evenly balanced 30,000 fans. The ‘Bruisers are favourites to lift this years Bloodbowl trophy, and few were betting on the rats walking away with anything, or indeed walking away at all! Prior to kick-off rumour circulated of Coach Flashhearts desperate efforts to find “someone stupid enough” to step into ‘Joes shoes, and debating the merits of forfeiting the game. In his post-match interview the coach confirmed that his initial plan to just not show up went wrong when the team chariot took a wrong turn and ended up at the stadium anyway.

On to the game itself, and the Orc Coach chose to hire a goblin to boost his team numbers, something viewed by Coach Flash with suspicion. The 13 players of Average Joes won the toss, and elected to kick to the Drakwald Bruisers. There followed a sustained period of stalling ratty tactics, and smacking Orcy tactics which would last the entire first half. This was only broken up by a crowd-pleasing moment of pinball when a gutter runner landed a punch and the ball went loose. Added to the Orc throwers seeming inability to pick up the ball regardless of location and pressure and things were interesting for the 15,000 ratty fans. However, the numbers game prevailed (‘Joes having four in the knockout box by the end), and the Orc blitzers and Black Orcs made a gap for the thrower to run in for 1-0 in the dying seconds of the first half - an extremely well timed touchdown following some excellent caging tactics.

The second half saw ’Joes return to the pitch with just about 11 players; one storm vermin (Tank) having been seriously injured in the first half, and the other linerat preferring the company of the bloodwiser ’babe’ to returning to the pitch. The rats were receiving, and looked to make a breakthrough down the right. With team captain; storm vermin La Fleur, having made the gap, The Rat headed into the outfield, followed at a more sedate pace by Cotton McKnight. An accurate throw from Murdock later and Cotton had the ball in the ‘Bruisers half and was looking for the space. The hole having been made he dashed through, and after some unsportsmanlike time-wasting behaviour (and another moment to forget for the Orc thrower when he tripped over his shoelace) he stepped over the line to make it 1-1. The Orcs having just over half of the second half to restore their lead.

The Drakwald coach made a controversial substitution at this point; removing an Orc linesman and sending on The Goblin. Common sense went out the window for the rats as they tried to block the diminutive greenskin off the field - bad memories coming through clearly! The Orcs reverted to their cage-and-hit tactics, but the skaven pulled back each time and slowly gave ground, stalling and looking for what would be an excellent draw. The Orcs became inpatient, and took a risk; The Goblin shook off his marker, and the Orc thrower launched a perfect ball and turned away to celebrate the win…….only for linerat Dive to pluck it out of midair and deny the Orcs the two points! And things would get worse, as Dive laid it off to The Rat, who raced up the pitch and picked out gutter runner Pepper Brooks with a short pass, Pepper shrugged off the attentions of a marking blitzer to make the catch, the dodge, and the score 2-1 to the rats in the dying seconds! From one end zone to the other in a turn; Coach Flash was, needless to say, rather pleased with this result!

Semi-Final Draw Announced

Following Match Day 5, and the general apathy of the SMALLER teams in the competition the organiser and sponsors have taken the decision to run with the big four at the top of the league table, and on Match Day 6 we move into the Semi-Final stage!


Position Team Points
1]. Drakwald Bruisers (Orcs) 11
2]. The Finger Lickers (Chaos) 6
3]. Average Joes (Skaven) 5
4]. Golden Cannon Ballers (Human) 3

First will play fourth, with second taking on third for a place in this years final. Leaving the following match-ups:

Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers 
The Finger Lickers Vs. Average Joes 

Match Day 6 Preview

Average Joes first game in a knockout competition for three years will be against a bitter rival, with The Finger Lickers being coached by Al Hardy. They have already met once this season, with ‘Joes lucky to escape with a 1-1 draw on match day 3, they will have to be better against a team that have just the 11 players available to ‘Joes 13, but has the punching ability to make life uncomfortable for the skaven. Joes only injury concern is thrower Murdock, who in a eerie replay of their last knockout match up is unavailable for the big match once again. He has been replaced by an unnamed substitute thrower who maintains the teams 13-player numbers, and will hope its not an omen.

Elsewhere the humans of the Golden Cannon Ballers will be hoping their chariot has more sense than ‘Joes choice of transport, or that the Drakwald Bruisers have a sensational off day.

Week 4 

This week on the Joe-O-Scope:
Average Joes seal a stunning victory.
The Semi-final draw is announced.
Match Day 6 pre-view.

Average Joes Snatch Unlikely Victory

Average Joes took on the highly rated Orc team; The Drakwald Bruisers, in a match watched by an evenly balanced 30,000 fans. The ‘Bruisers are favourites to lift this years Bloodbowl trophy, and few were betting on the rats walking away with anything, or indeed walking away at all! Prior to kick-off rumour circulated of Coach Flashhearts desperate efforts to find “someone stupid enough” to step into ‘Joes shoes, and debating the merits of forfeiting the game. In his post-match interview the coach confirmed that his initial plan to just not show up went wrong when the team chariot took a wrong turn and ended up at the stadium anyway.

On to the game itself, and the Orc Coach chose to hire a goblin to boost his team numbers, something viewed by Coach Flash with suspicion. The 13 players of Average Joes won the toss, and elected to kick to the Drakwald Bruisers. There followed a sustained period of stalling ratty tactics, and smacking Orcy tactics which would last the entire first half. This was only broken up by a crowd-pleasing moment of pinball when a gutter runner landed a punch and the ball went loose. Added to the Orc throwers seeming inability to pick up the ball regardless of location and pressure and things were interesting for the 15,000 ratty fans. However, the numbers game prevailed (‘Joes having four in the knockout box by the end), and the Orc blitzers and Black Orcs made a gap for the thrower to run in for 1-0 in the dying seconds of the first half - an extremely well timed touchdown following some excellent caging tactics.

The second half saw ’Joes return to the pitch with just about 11 players; one storm vermin (Tank) having been seriously injured in the first half, and the other linerat preferring the company of the bloodwiser ’babe’ to returning to the pitch. The rats were receiving, and looked to make a breakthrough down the right. With team captain; storm vermin La Fleur, having made the gap, The Rat headed into the outfield, followed at a more sedate pace by Cotton McKnight. An accurate throw from Murdock later and Cotton had the ball in the ‘Bruisers half and was looking for the space. The hole having been made he dashed through, and after some unsportsmanlike time-wasting behaviour (and another moment to forget for the Orc thrower when he tripped over his shoelace) he stepped over the line to make it 1-1. The Orcs having just over half of the second half to restore their lead.

The Drakwald coach made a controversial substitution at this point; removing an Orc linesman and sending on The Goblin. Common sense went out the window for the rats as they tried to block the diminutive greenskin off the field - bad memories coming through clearly! The Orcs reverted to their cage-and-hit tactics, but the skaven pulled back each time and slowly gave ground, stalling and looking for what would be an excellent draw. The Orcs became inpatient, and took a risk; The Goblin shook off his marker, and the Orc thrower launched a perfect ball and turned away to celebrate the win…….only for linerat Dive to pluck it out of midair and deny the Orcs the two points! And things would get worse, as Dive laid it off to The Rat, who raced up the pitch and picked out gutter runner Pepper Brooks with a short pass, Pepper shrugged off the attentions of a marking blitzer to make the catch, the dodge, and the score 2-1 to the rats in the dying seconds! From one end zone to the other in a turn; Coach Flash was, needless to say, rather pleased with this result!

Semi-Final Draw Announced

Following Match Day 5, and the general apathy of the SMALLER teams in the competition the organiser and sponsors have taken the decision to run with the big four at the top of the league table, and on Match Day 6 we move into the Semi-Final stage!


Position Team Points
1]. Drakwald Bruisers (Orcs) 11
2]. The Finger Lickers (Chaos) 6
3]. Average Joes (Skaven) 5
4]. Golden Cannon Ballers (Human) 3


First will play fourth, with second taking on third for a place in this years final. Leaving the following match-ups:

Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers 
The Finger Lickers Vs. Average Joes 

Match Day 6 Preview

Average Joes first game in a knockout competition for three years will be against a bitter rival, with The Finger Lickers being coached by Al Hardy. They have already met once this season, with ‘Joes lucky to escape with a 1-1 draw on match day 3, they will have to be better against a team that have just the 11 players available to ‘Joes 13, but has the punching ability to make life uncomfortable for the skaven. Joes only injury concern is thrower Murdock, who in a eerie replay of their last knockout match up is unavailable for the big match once again. He has been replaced by an unnamed substitute thrower who maintains the teams 13-player numbers, and will hope its not an omen.

Elsewhere the humans of the Golden Cannon Ballers will be hoping their chariot has more sense than ‘Joes choice of transport, or that the Drakwald Bruisers have a sensational off day.

Week 5 

This week on the Joe-O-Scope:
Average Joes vs. Finger Lickers semi-final match report.
Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers report.
Interview with the coach.
Cup Final Pre-view.



‘Joes Feed Lickers To The Birds

Average Joes booked their place in their 3rd consecutive RGMB Bloodbowl Final with a stunning victory over bitter rivals the Finger Lickers. Pre-match talk had centred around ‘Joes poor record in knockout competitions against ‘Lickers head coach Al Hardy’s teams, and included a lively discussion about the choice of chicken pies as the half time snack. The Finger Lickers fans voted with their absence about the entertainment value of their team; 10,000 turning up and being mostly out-sung by the 14,000 ratty fans.

‘Joes won the toss, and elected to kick to the Chaos team, who started extremely sluggishly. A clearly pre-planned kicking strategy enabled ‘Joes to blitz their way through the opposition offence, with storm vermin Tank opening the way for Cotton to race through and score with the game only minutes old! There was barely time to blink when the same move worked for a second consecutive time. Skaven captain La Fleur provided the muscle this time, and Cotton capitalising for his second touchdown of the game, and his sixth of the campaign. The Finger Lickers appeared shell-shocked, and little wonder, virtually every move they tried broke down in disarray. And it was one such effort that saw Patchy, the ‘Joes substitute thrower, break free after some shoving had robbed the Chaos chickens of the ball, and run in number three just before the end of the half.

Deep gloom had settled on the Chaos bench as they realised they would have to kick to the rats in the second half, and not even the offer of a half-time hug in a toilet from a well-wisher could raise their head coach from his pessimistic thoughts. And they had good reason to worry, because no sooner had the second half began but Patchy broke free from a rolling skaven cage on the left to launch a short pass up the centre, and gutter runner Pepper Brooks pulled it out of the air to score his second touchdown of the season. The ‘Lickers were in disarray and leaderless, and, when two of the chaos chickens ran into each other, the gutter runner The Rat was on hand to steal away the ball for Average Joes record fifth touchdown of the game.

Coach Al Hardy was not happy. And after spitting out feathers and grilling his team, he ordered them back out onto the field for the final drive, with the instruction to only come back after they had crippled the opposition! With some pride restored his side went about their work, and soon several knockouts and a couple of minor injuries reduced the numbers of skaven players enough to enable a chicken to slip through for a consolation touchdown. 

Final score was Average Joes 5, the Finger Lickers 1, with some ghosts of past playoffs definitely exercised! Next up the cup final!


Match Report: Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers 

The un-fancied team from the human league took a shock first half lead, with the Drakwald Bruisers goblin at fault when the Orc side were supposed to be on the offensive. The Cannon Ballers fans took their celebrations a tad too far however, and a short riot later and the referee had wound the clock back, giving the Orcs the chance to equalise before the half was over - the goblin redeeming himself. The second half dropped back into a more predictable pattern, with the Orcs hitting, and the humans hurting, falling and stalling. It still took most of the second half for the winner too come, and it would be scored by an Orc player, sending his team to the final, 2-1 winners.


Interview Section

We sent out roving reporter Linda McDougal to get an interview with the victorious ‘Joes head coach; Lord Flash, and here’s what he had to say.

How do you feel after that amazing result?
“Absolutely over the moon! We tried to turn up today with a game plan, but I left it in the hotel so we just (chicken) winged it mainly.”

Were the excellent blitz’s that we say your side execute in the first half something you’ve worked on at the training ground?
“Not really sure what one of those is, we went to a pre-match barbecue if that’s what you mean?”

Not quite, what does this win mean for you and the team?
“Quite simply we’ve reached the top. Its champagne and roses from now on, the lads played a good game, it was a team effort, and the only way is down, blah, blah, blah.”

Surely you will be able to lift yourselves for the cup final next week?
“Well, yeah, sure we’ll turn up, probably, may as well.”

What about the future, will we see Average Joes under your leadership again next year?
“Perhaps, perhaps not, if we win next week then maybe we’ve reached the top and its time to step aside. Or maybe we’ll just spend the winnings on some better kit and keep going!”

Thank you Lord Flash.



Cup Final Preview

Despite Average Joes victory last week against the Orc side, the Drakwald Bruisers will still enter this game as the bookes favourites. The skaven will be heavily reliant upon their gutter runner trident of Cotton, Pepper and The Rat, while hoping storm vermin Tank and captain La Fleur can keep their bigger opponents at bay. For their part the ‘Bruisers will be desperately seeking revenge following their last minute defeat, and will be happy to go to any lengths to achieve it. Both sides go into the match with similar team ratings, and no injury worries.

Week 6

This week in the last 2011 Joe-O-Scope:
The Cup Final - result & report
Seasons awards
Signing Off for 2011


Drakwald Bruisers Victorious In Controversial Final

The day of the cup final brought steady drizzle, and complaints that if the match had been held in the south of Tilea instead we would all have been happier and drier. Average Joes were first to the stadium, and first onto the pitch - 15,000 ratty fans waving their tails in anticipation of the kick-off, which was scheduled for 7pm.

At 7.01pm, and with no sign of the Drakwald Bruisers, Lord Flash approached the referee, using such words and phrases as ‘late again’, ‘C’mon ref’ and ‘forfeit’.

At 7.09pm the Orcs and their 14,000 fans arrived, and, unfortunately for brave Lord Flash, appear to have never had the word ‘forfeit’ explained to them. The game began without further ado, the Bruisers on the offensive and Average Joes with the option of play or (and?) be flattened. In an echo of their semi-final victory ‘Joes were in fact quick off the mark, attempting an early blitz. However, unlike the chickens, the Orc blitzers and black orcs were more than up to the task and closed them out. The rest of the first half was full of ‘look away now’ moments for the skaven in the stadium, as their team hopelessly threw their bodies in the day of the Orc steamroller in desperate attempts to stop them scoring before the end of the half. This was not the team that ‘Joes had beaten 2-1 several weeks ago, but a much improved version that not even the gutter runners prowess could even the tables against.

By half time the breakthrough had come, the Bruisers were 1-0 up, and three ‘Joes players were seriously injured and out for the count - they would have to play the second half without both throwers (Patchy and Murdoch), or storm vermin Tank. Luckily 4 out of the 5 knocked out skaven returned to the pitch, but it was more of the same as they had to contend with not only the Orcs ploughing through them, but also their own luck being a reverse of the semi-final. The single bright spark came just after a long moment where it looked like the Orcs would regain possession and score a second. Gutter runner Cotton McKnight produced a moment of individual brilliance, stealing the ball from under the noses of three Orc players, and dancing around five more over the course of two turns before speeding in for a touchdown to make it 1-1. It had cost them another two players knocked out, and The Rat had joined the serious injuries roll-call.

The Orcs had three turns to score a winner, and Average Joes were on the ropes, with simply too few players to cover every angle. A distraction run by The Goblin helped open some space, which Cotton and Pepper struggled to shut down, before the Orc thrower found a blitzer with a short pass, and he was able to bring it down and run in for 2-1 with the last touch of the second half. In a very real sense he had spared Average Joes the pain of extra time with a time woefully out-muscled everywhere on the pitch.



2011 Average Joes Awards
Most Influential Player - Cotton McKnight (The gutter runner scored most of ‘Joes touchdowns, was chief tormentor of the chickens, and even dragged them back into a one-sided final).
Top Scorer - Cotton McKnight. (With seven touchdowns for the season he was not only the top scoring skaven, but also the top scorer for the competition).
Enforcer of the Season (caused most casualties) - N/A


And for the overall competition:
Overall Winners - The Drakwald Bruisers.
Top Scoring Team - Average Joes & Drakwald Bruisers both with 11 TD’s.
Top Scoring Player - Cotton McKnight with 7 TD’s for Average Joes.
Coach of the Season - Mr Crish (Drakwald Bruisers) for building an unstoppable machine.
Biggest Underachievers - Finger Lickers. (Humiliating semi-final exit at hands of biggest rivals)
Overachievers - Golden Cannon Ballers. (Recahing the semi-final and pushing the Bruisers to the end).
Biggest Hissy Fit (also known as the Diva Award) - Lord Flash (Average Joes) when the Bruisers failed to understand the term ‘forfeit’.
Sportsmanship Award - Head Coach of the Finger Lickers; Al Hardy, for playing on when all hope was lost in their semi-final.



What now for ‘Joes?
With that defeat Average Joes have now contested the last three consecutive RGMB Bloodbowl Cup Finals, and been on the losing end of each one, rarely looking like victory was coming their way. With the short life expectancy of the average rat is this the end of ‘Joes? Even if they continue will they ever have enough to beat the bully-boy power teams of the Bloodbowl world? Is the game too much about money? Will Lord Flash ever return from his self imposed exile to the beaches of Lustria? And will the aardvarks reach the summit of Mount Panama?

This is Roland Rat, signing off for another year, keep waving those tails rat-fans.