Dreadball Season 2014-15: Round 1 Results

Bucanneers Raid Plague Ship

The Carbis Bay Bucaneers opened the 2014-15 Dreadball season with two convincing wins over the Veer-myn team the Plague Bearers.  The opening match was a home game for the Buccaneers, although their fans were clearly of the prawn sandwich variety and were very quiet throughout, this being despite star striker Dirk Pitt opening the Seasiders account with a 3 point strike on the 3^rd turn.  The rat side raced down the other end, doing a credible impression of road runner before missing the strike hex horribly.  This became a nasty pattern with the Plague Bearers strikers simply unable to hit the target, and often incapable of even picking the ball up.  They compensated by falling back on the basics, with their two guards double-teaming the Corporation players and slamming a number into the ground.  Several were already recovering off-pitch by the time Veer-myn guard Myxomatosis took out Buccaneers jack James Norrington with a slam he would never get up from.

The speed of the Veer-myn meant that any attempt at slamming them back just resulted in them dodging out of the way, and the Buccaneers instead went back to what they do best – scoring.  Pitt was again the hero as he bagged two more 3 point strikes to win the game, the second of which followed the 4^th failed Veer-myn effort at scoring of the evening.  Buccaneers’ jack Rudi Gunn claimed the Man Of The Match award, possibly because he was human, although the fans overall were not impressed with the two teams efforts, with the Bucaneers marginally ahead with 2 cheers to 1.  James Norrington subsequently retired and was replaced.

The return leg and the Plague Bearers looked to establish themselves physically in the opening few turns; Myxomatosis slamming striker Jack Sparrow unconscious for 3 turns and claiming multiple fan checks in the process.  Following this the Veer-myn set themselves up nicely to open the scoring, but just as Ecoli was about to pull the trigger the ball shattered (complete with compulsory evil cackle from the Corporation coach), and Dirk Pitt whisked it away to score a 3 pointer.  It wasn’t Ecoli’s day, as another failed strike attempt saw the Veer-myn lose the ball soon after, and the Buccaneers’ ran it from deep in their own half before ‘Mad Jack’ Dalhgren launched a very long throw to find Pitt, and Pitt racked up his 5^th 3 pointer in two games.  ‘Mad Jack’ subsequently paid a heavy price for his efforts as he was flattened by BSE.  Turn 9 and the rats finally got on the score sheet, with Ecoli taking advantage of his third opportunity to score a 2 point strike, before Jack Sparrow won the game for the Buccaneers with a spectacular 3 pointer – showboating to the max for extra fan checks.  This helped put the Buccaneers’ way ahead in terms of fans – 6 to 0 this time, and Rudi Gunn claimed the Man Of The Match award once more for warming the bench.

Round 1 Results:

	Home		Away
Mythos Maniacs (Adrian)	7-0	Vs.	0-0	Hollywood All-Stars (Andy)
Plague Bearers (Mark)	0-7	Vs.	0-7	Carbis Bay Buccaneers (Rick)
Hawarden Heartbreakers (Paddy)	7-0	Vs.	2-0	Skaven Foundation (Ian)
Dwarf VIII (Simon)	0-0	Vs.	0-0	Iron Giants (Tom)
Unknown (Pete)		Vs.		Unknown (Dave)
Unknown (Dafydd)	7-0	Vs.	0-0	Deff To Humanz (James)

Round 1 in Brief:

A roundup of the other games which took place in Round 1 now, starting with the highly anticipated matchup between the two one-day tournament winners.  The reigning champions; the Mythos Maniacs, faced the 2013 winners the Hollywood All Stars.  Recent experience clearly told as the Corporation team was buried under a wave of attacks, and the Maniacs ran out 7-0 winners in the first game.  However the All Stars came back strongly and fought their way to a draw in the return leg, easing the worries of their coach and providing hope to those who aim to challenge for the title.

The Hawarden Heartbreakers played the Skaven Foundation, and with back-to-back victories banished them to the bottom of division 1, and subsequently relegation to division 2; the first team to face the drop in the competition.  The Heartbreakers coach is trying to make the difficult transition from his successful Bloodbowl career to build a Dreadball one, and rarely looked troubled against a Veer-myn side who achieved their aim of propping up the division at the first time of asking. The Heartbreakers coach, having run out victorious was able to suggest that the rats deserved better than the results suggested.

The matches between the Dwarf VIII and the Iron Giants were littered with rules queries and head scratching.  In between bouts of deliberations and frenzied debating two games took place, and both came out as a draw, perhaps because nobody was quite sure what the spherical object was.  The Iron Giants can perhaps be said to have come off worst as the Forge Fathers side had at least learnt how to slam.

The game of the great Unknown’s (Peter Vs Dave) took place between two teams whose management, coaches, and players cannot quite decide upon a team name.  The Corporation side had joined the Dwarfs in learning the values of slamming the opposition, with the Judwan (Peter) spending most of their game in the treatment room – rarely managing more than 3 players on the pitch at any one time.  This clearly affected their throwing as they demonstrated that Nora Batty would have made a better fist of scoring a strike that their, theoretically athletic, forward line.  Somehow a win a-piece was the result, with both sides claiming (correctly) that the other was blatantly cheating throughout.  A suggestion to the coach of the Judwan by the Plague Bearers that they name themselves ‘The Worthless Human Scum’ was rejected on the grounds that it was too misleading regarding the use of the term ‘Human’.

The last Unknown team (Dafydd) faced the confident, young, brash Marauder side ‘Deff To Humanz’.  Aggressive Orx tactics caused DIGBY officials to subsequently recommend that any future opponents ensure they have the necessary medical facilities to cope with multiple cranial injuries before the match.  The Corporation side still managed to claim a win and a draw, which bumped them up into Division 1.

Division 1:

Position	Team	Player	Points
1).	Carbis Bay Buccaneers	Rick	6
2).	Hawarden Heartbreakers	Paddy	5
3).	Mythos Maniacs	Adrian	4
4).	Unknown	Dafydd	4
5).	Plague Bearers	Mark	2
6).	Hollywood All Stars	Andy	2

Division 2:

Position	Team	Player	Points
1).	Unknown	Dave	3
2).	Unknown	Peter	3
3).	Dwarf VIII	Simon	2
4).	Deff To Humanz	James	2
5).	Iron Giants	Tom	2
6).	Skaven Foundation	Ian	2

Round 2 Fixtures:

A preview of round 2, and the games to watch out for include the current champions Mythos Maniacs come up against the unfortunate newly promoted Unknown side.

Mythos Maniacs (Adrian) Vs. Unknown (Dafydd)

Plague Bearers (Mark) Vs. Hollywood All-Stars (Andy)

Hawarden Heartbreakers (Paddy) Vs. Carbis Bay Buccaneers (Rick)

Dwarf VIII (Simon) Vs. Skaven Foundation (Ian)

Unknown (Pete) Vs. Iron Giants (Tom)

Unknown (Dave) Vs. Deff To Humanz (James)

Ratings & Stats:

The star striker of the Carbis Bay Buccaneers; Dirk Pitt’ leads the scoring chart with 15 points from his five 3-pointer strikes so far.  He is closely followed by ‘Lore’ of Mythos Maniacs with 14 points.  For those who like more bodily contact and fluids in their Dreadball then ‘Peril’ of the Maniacs is tied with an Unknown guard from Daves team on 2 ‘kills’ apiece.  He attributes his success to his friends and teammates ‘Insanity’, and ‘Doomsday’.

Team ratings for next round:

Rick 116,   Paddy 123,  Adrian 127,  Andy 97,  Mark 116,  Ian 112,  Simon 112,  Tom 100

Social Media

Finally some snipits from the ever popular Duckular feed (a descendant of the decadent ‘Twitter’, this social media platform has been criticised for publishing Shakespearian poetry and other hardcore paraphernalia):

Hollywood All Stars – “Mark, Arnie and Sly are now decidedly peckish as they didn't get to feed on any of the Mythos Maniacs.  If you've seen publicity photos of either recently you'll know plague is the least of their worries and I believe Orx tastes a bit like chicken or pork, depending on what sauce you use with it.”

The Plague Bearers (to the All Stars) – “The Plague Bearers are still smarting after to loses to some scummy human team (at least one them has died from non specific plague like symptoms with many more looking decidedly green behind the gills). We're looking for some payback and you just happened into our sights.”

Plague Bearers – “Lab created Ratmen Rule!”

Mythos Maniacs – “We’re just warming up….”  Oo-er.