The SmAshes 2013 – A Brief Report Of A Dreadball Tournament

 Devised by the indomitable and frankly daft Laurent Blom, and with the catchy name of the ‘SmAshes’, this one day Dreadball tournament was played in a small room behind the Deeside bar, which was less dingy and dodgy than it initially sounds.  There was plenty of room for the 10 participants to stretch their legs, put out their figures and boards, and rail against the world on varying subjects, including lunch, the method of balls returning to play, and how many millions of creds an upgrade cost before they settled down to play. 

The Players & Their Teams:

Pete – The Lost (Locusts)

James – Greenskin Clobbaz (Marauders)

Adrian – Orcland Raiders (Marauders)

Chris – simply :) (Marauders)

Mark – Plague Bearers (Veer-myn)

Laurent – Gromril Giants (Forge Fathers)

Paddy – Blue Bronzed Blitzers (Corporation)

Ian - Veer-myn Foundation (Veer-myn)

Andy – Hollywood All-Stars (Corporation)

Rick (yours truly) – Carbis Bay Buccaneers (Corporation)

The Teams.

The Rules:

The tournament consisted of four rounds in a league format, with the result to be decided within the day.  3 points were available for a 7-0 wipeout victory, 2 points for a run-of-the-mill victory, and 1 for a draw.  Nothing for a defeat, unsurprisingly.  In the event of a draw of points at the top some counting of the number of 3 and 4 point strikes would be required.  The matchups were drawn randomly from, in the absence of a decent hat, a glasses case (very rock and roll), with any reoccurring matchups redrawn to ensure players only met once.

Round 1:

The first round saw two draws, and shock victories for the Hollywood All-Stars (who had only learnt the rules on the previous Thursday) and the Veer-myn Foundation (who hadn’t actually learnt any rules, but didn’t let this put them off).  The remaining 3 games were very close.

The Lost Vs Carbis Bay Buccaneers (0-1)

Greenskin Clobbaz Vs J (0-0)

Blue Bronzed Blitzers Vs Gromril Giants (0-0)

Veery-myn Foundation Vs Orcland Raiders (3-0)

Hollywood All-Stars Vs Plague Bearers (6-0)

Round 2:

The first round had obviously broke the ice and scoring started in earnest, with no draws in round 2.  The ratmen of the Veer-myn Foundation were named for their tendency to provide the foundations for the league, but racked up another surprise victory against their marauder opponents.  Two teams very familiar with each other met in a grudge match as the Gromril Giants sought to put one over on their corporation rivals, but were heavily defeated.  Another grudge match saw the Plague Bearers defeat the Orcland Raiders, while, while the sole locust team went down to the other surprise package the Hollywood All-Stars. 

Carbis Bay Buccaneers Vs Gromril Giants (7-0)

The Lost Vs Hollywood All-Stars (0-3)

Greenskin Clobbaz Vs Veer-myn Foundation (0-7)

Orcland Raiders Vs Plague Bearers (0-2)

Blue Bronzed Blitzers Vs J  (5-0)

Round 3:

A spot of lunch later and it was now or never time for those who’d had a poor morning.  The Carbis Bay Buccaneers and Hollywood All-Stars picked up where they had left off with 7-0 wipe outs, although the 'Buccaneers were lucky to do so before their opponents destroyed their entire team.  Elsewhere The Lost and the Gromril Giants both gained their first wins, and the Blue Bronzed Blitzers stepped away from the tanning booths long enough to hold Veer-myn Foundation to a draw.

Carbis Bay Buccaneers Vs Plague Bearers (7-0)

Hollywood All-Stars Vs J (7-0)

Greenskin Clobbaz Vs The Lost (0-1)

Gromril Giants Vs Orcland Raiders (7-0)

Veer-myn Foundation Vs Blue Bronzed Blitzers (0-0)

Round 4:

With the results from round 3 in the possibilities were anything but clear, with the only certainty being that one of three teams would win the title.  The Carbis Bay Buccaneers led the table on 8 points, and played the Hollywood All-Stars (on 7 points) in a grandstand and voluntarily orchestrated finish.  The Veer-myn Foundation, on 6 points, waited in the wings hoping that a draw would enable them to sweep past.

In the event the ratmen lost to a Gromril Giants side grinding out the result.  Elsewhere The Lost fought hard to avoid defeat to the Blue Bronzed Blitzers but a final 4-point strike finished them off and the ‘Blitzers moved up to finish 3^rd.  The marauder team known simply as J lost a close game 1-0 to fellow maurauder side Orcland Raiders, and the Plague Bearers rounded off a forgettable tournament for the Greenskin Clobbaz with a 7-0 wipeout.

The title deciding game lasted longer than the rest in this final round, and after the Hollywood All-Stars capitalised on an early mistake by the Corporation side they rarely looked back.  A trading of 3-point strikes took the score swiftly to 6-0, but the Carbis Bay Buccaneers fought back three times (from 6-0, 6-0 and 5-0), with their star striker Dirk Pitt scoring two 4-point strikes and a 3-point strike to bring it back to 1-0, before another unforced error on the last turn yielded the game, and the title to the Hollywood All-Stars.

Greenskin Clobbaz Vs Plague Bearers (0-7)

Orcland Raiders Vs J (1-0)

Blue Bronzed Blitzers Vs The Lost (7-0)

Veery-myn Foundation Vs Gromril Giants (0-1)

Carbis Bay Buccaneers Vs Hollywood All-Stars (4-0)

The Final League Table:

Pos	Team	Round 1	Round 2	Round 3	Round 4	Points
1.	Hollywood All-Stars	2	2	3	2	9
2.	Carbis Bay Buccaneers	2	3	3	0	8
3.	Blue Bronzed Blitzers	1	2	1	3	7
4.	Veer-myn Foundation	2	3	1	0	6
-	Gromril Giants	1	0	3	2	6
6.	Plague Bearers	0	2	0	3	5
7.	Orcland Raiders	0	0	0	2	2
-	The Lost	0	0	2	0	2
8.	J	1	0	0	0	1
-	Greenskin Clobbaz	1	0	0	0	1

The Awards:

Tournament Champions – Andy Canham with his Hollywood All-Stars

Best Painted – Adrian with his Orcland Raiders

The Carbis Bay Buccaneers.

The Gromril Giants.

A CoSHH nightmare - The Plague Bearers.

The Champions - The Hollywood All-Stars (Brad Pitt included!)

The clear winners of the Best Painted Award - The Orcland Raiders.

Three of the Greenskin Clobbaz menacing a veer-myn.  

One of the surprise packages - the Veer-myn Foundation.  

A rare shot of a guard from the famously publicity shy Blue Bronzed Blitzers.

 

The teams once more, this time with trophys next to the winning sides.

The winners once again - the Hollywood All-Stars during the final presentation.

The sole Locust team; The Lost.

A team known only as a symbol -   :-)

The Tournament In Numbers

• ·         Out of 20 matches a total of 7 ended in 7-0 wipeouts, three of which came in round 2.
• ·         Only 2 teams avoided defeat; the winners Hollywood All-Stars, and the tough men of the Blue Bronzed Blitzers.
• ·         The Corporation teams won the most points, with their three gaining 24, the two rat sides scoring 11, the single forge father getting 6, and the Locusts only just dropping below the three marauder teams; 2 vs 4.
• ·         The Carbis Bay Buccaneers claimed the most 7-0 wipeouts with 2.
• ·         If the tournament had been worked out on the post-lunch results the Gromril Giants would have come joint top; food obviously a factor.