A series of reports charting the fortunes of the Average Joes side in the 2011 RGMB Bloodbowl Trophy.
Week 1
Welcome to this seasons first Average Joes fanzine newsletter, the only
place to get your weekly fix of ‘Joes action! Produced by the ‘Joes fan group;
The Many And Illegitimate Son’s Of Flash, the Joe-O-Scope aims to bring you the
best from the world of RGMB Bloodbowl while remaining totally unbiased and
supporting ‘Joes all the way.
This week; ‘Joes First Game - Full Report.
A roundup from the other games of match day 3.
A new additional to the coaching staff.
And team reports ahead of next week.
Average Joes Vs. The Finger Lickers (FT 1-1)
Due to some issues over sponsorship (lack of) it has taken until match day three of this years Bloodbowl Trophy for ‘Joes to become involved, and where better to start than against their old adversary; Al Hardy, and his new team the Chicken Lickers. Having decimated them in a pre-season friendly the 11,000 ’Joes fans that packed the bleachers were hopeful of more of the same, the 9,000 ’Lickers fans struggled to make themselves heard over chants of ’Where’s the Colonel’, and ’I feel like chicken tonight’.
‘Joes captain; Stormvermin Peter La Fleur, won the toss, and elected to kick to the Chaos opposition. There followed an unsavoury period of play which lasted most of the first half, with clearly illegal blocking and blitzing manoeuvres being used by the chickens, and the referee ignoring the loud pleas from the crowd. Finally, after both sides had pushed a member of the opposition into the crowd, the ‘Lickers scored (making heavy weather of it), right at the end of the half, leaving legendary ‘Joes thrower; Murdock, to pick up a sole bonus for his team in the form of a pass competition.
In the second half the chickens kicked to our rats, and they promptly seized upon the ball, and pushed a hole down the right side of the pitch, looking to roll a cage through and break out with gutter runners. The best efforts of the chickens nearly saw the ball lost in a massed shoving match, until Murdock broke free, and scooping up the bladder, launched it downfield into the grateful arms of gutter runner Cotton McKnight who strolled in for the equaliser with a quarter of the game remaining.
After that it looked bleak for our furry heroes however, with a number injured due to the nasty, cheating blocking tactics by the chickens (who clearing hadn‘t heard of none-contact sports), they were down to 10 for the final drive, and soon that was reduced even further. The chickens looked certain to score, but at the last moment went for a party piece throw, which was fumbled by a Chaos Warrior big chicken! La Fleur swept in and scrambled the ball away, however, even with Pepper Brooks also trying to get a cover on it the chickens still looked odds on to score, but an opportune slip by a chaos player left the ball on the floor, and the Finger Lickers had let two points slip away. Final score = 1-1.
Match Day 3:
Two games were played on match day three of the blood bowl trophy, and with Average Joes fighting their way to a well deserved point against the Finger Lickers, it was left to the Orcs to try and stretch their lead at the top against the 'Averland Cannon Ballers'. Initially it looked like they would do so in style, although the humans managed to stem the tide, and as this reporter left to beat the crowds (with a stick) it was still 1-0 to the Orcs, although with no opportunity for a Cannon Ballers’ come back.
New Addition to the Coaching Staff
With the funds gained from their heroic efforts against the Linger Fickers ‘Joes head coach; Lord Flashheart (saintsandallalsortedgodsandgodnessesandsimoncowellpreservehim) has added an apothecary to his backroom staff. The new rat; Ratty of the River, has confirmed that he was delighted to get the offer, and that he believed it would provide an excellent distraction from boating near Toad Hall all the time. Questions of how he will cure the players injuries using just a set of bells and a stick were studiously ignored.
Team Report:
Several injuries were sustained in ‘Joes opening match, with two players set to miss match day 4. Linerat Dip is receiving treatment for a gouged eye, while gutter runner The Rat suffering from a groin strain, although we understand this may have been a play station related injury. This means ‘Joes will be fielding a weakened side of 11 players, with nobody on the bench.
Tune in next week for more ‘Joes action!
This week; ‘Joes First Game - Full Report.
A roundup from the other games of match day 3.
A new additional to the coaching staff.
And team reports ahead of next week.
Average Joes Vs. The Finger Lickers (FT 1-1)
Due to some issues over sponsorship (lack of) it has taken until match day three of this years Bloodbowl Trophy for ‘Joes to become involved, and where better to start than against their old adversary; Al Hardy, and his new team the Chicken Lickers. Having decimated them in a pre-season friendly the 11,000 ’Joes fans that packed the bleachers were hopeful of more of the same, the 9,000 ’Lickers fans struggled to make themselves heard over chants of ’Where’s the Colonel’, and ’I feel like chicken tonight’.
‘Joes captain; Stormvermin Peter La Fleur, won the toss, and elected to kick to the Chaos opposition. There followed an unsavoury period of play which lasted most of the first half, with clearly illegal blocking and blitzing manoeuvres being used by the chickens, and the referee ignoring the loud pleas from the crowd. Finally, after both sides had pushed a member of the opposition into the crowd, the ‘Lickers scored (making heavy weather of it), right at the end of the half, leaving legendary ‘Joes thrower; Murdock, to pick up a sole bonus for his team in the form of a pass competition.
In the second half the chickens kicked to our rats, and they promptly seized upon the ball, and pushed a hole down the right side of the pitch, looking to roll a cage through and break out with gutter runners. The best efforts of the chickens nearly saw the ball lost in a massed shoving match, until Murdock broke free, and scooping up the bladder, launched it downfield into the grateful arms of gutter runner Cotton McKnight who strolled in for the equaliser with a quarter of the game remaining.
After that it looked bleak for our furry heroes however, with a number injured due to the nasty, cheating blocking tactics by the chickens (who clearing hadn‘t heard of none-contact sports), they were down to 10 for the final drive, and soon that was reduced even further. The chickens looked certain to score, but at the last moment went for a party piece throw, which was fumbled by a Chaos Warrior big chicken! La Fleur swept in and scrambled the ball away, however, even with Pepper Brooks also trying to get a cover on it the chickens still looked odds on to score, but an opportune slip by a chaos player left the ball on the floor, and the Finger Lickers had let two points slip away. Final score = 1-1.
Match Day 3:
Two games were played on match day three of the blood bowl trophy, and with Average Joes fighting their way to a well deserved point against the Finger Lickers, it was left to the Orcs to try and stretch their lead at the top against the 'Averland Cannon Ballers'. Initially it looked like they would do so in style, although the humans managed to stem the tide, and as this reporter left to beat the crowds (with a stick) it was still 1-0 to the Orcs, although with no opportunity for a Cannon Ballers’ come back.
New Addition to the Coaching Staff
With the funds gained from their heroic efforts against the Linger Fickers ‘Joes head coach; Lord Flashheart (saintsandallalsortedgodsandgodnessesandsimoncowellpreservehim) has added an apothecary to his backroom staff. The new rat; Ratty of the River, has confirmed that he was delighted to get the offer, and that he believed it would provide an excellent distraction from boating near Toad Hall all the time. Questions of how he will cure the players injuries using just a set of bells and a stick were studiously ignored.
Team Report:
Several injuries were sustained in ‘Joes opening match, with two players set to miss match day 4. Linerat Dip is receiving treatment for a gouged eye, while gutter runner The Rat suffering from a groin strain, although we understand this may have been a play station related injury. This means ‘Joes will be fielding a weakened side of 11 players, with nobody on the bench.
Tune in next week for more ‘Joes action!
Week 2
This week on the Joe-O-Scope:
Average Joes records first victory.
Controversy about Sportsmanship awards,
Roundup of other game on match day 4.
‘Joes Challenged!
Average Joes vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers
Average Joes head coach; Lord Flash, hesitated not in his quest to challenge the humans of the Golden Cannon Ballers to a game on match day 4. With only one game under his belt, and just the one point from that, the coach clearly felt an urgent need to try and launch his team up the standings. For their part the Cannon Ballers had managed one win in three, and were after some much needed points themselves.
In a good natured atmosphere, and in front of 26,000 fans (a 9,000/17,000 split in favour of the Cannon Baller’s) the two sides playing out a match full of movement and mistakes. Joes started on the defensive, but some early pressure saw their human opponents relinquish control of the ball; although not until their catcher had been subjected to three consecutive blocks and many ratty 2+ go-for-its had been failed! Some fancy manoeuvring (and a bit of line dancing) later and Joes gutter runner Cotton McKnight had engineered enough space for a sprint to the line and the first touchdown of the game.
The second half saw the rats receive, and try to roll a cage through the centre of the Cannon Baller’s defence. This proved disastrous as the human blitzers broke it open, and with half the rats lying down on the job the Baller’s catcher was able to jog home for the equaliser, despite a desperate last ditch attempt by Joes thrower Murdock to block him out. At 1-1 Joes still had well over half of the second half to go to search for a winner, but an extremely well organised riot broke out in the ‘Baller‘s fans end, and by the time order had been restored only two turns remained; a challenge to be sure! Fortunately our vermin in blue didn’t let us down, creating a near perfect cage down their left, and with storm vermin La Fleur ‘distracting’ the human blitzer with its fist, tail and shoulder Cotton was left free to waltz in a second just moments before the final whistle. 2-1 it finished, and Average Joes have their first victory of the season.
Match Fixing Scandal
FIFA President Sepp Blatter has called for an inquest into the Average Joes Vs. The Golden Cannon Baller’s match, claiming match fixing on the basis that the Joes coach was offering words of advice to his opposite number that were actually helpful! We are unsure where either Mr Blatter, or Lord Flash are looking to go with this, or why the head of FIFA has mysteriously popped up the Old World. More on this story will not be forth coming.
Match Day 4 Roundup:
Once again two games were played on match day 4, with Average Joes victory over the Golden Cannon Baller’s well documented above. The other match saw a 2-0 victory for the Finger Lickers over the dark elf team; Khaines Killers (how they have fallen from grace with their new coach; Fury). This was a match noted for the number of elves harmed in the making of - mostly due to being pushed into the crowd, 6 suffered this fate at the last count! There was also a genuine comedy moment when the dark elf apothecary attempted to practice his art upon one of the team, and turned his broken leg into a broken neck. We are pleased to report that the leg is mending nicely.
Average Joes Challenged!
The day we have feared is upon us - the head coach of the juggernought Orc side that is leading the table has thrown down the glove to Lord Flash and his ratties! Unfortunately ‘Joes have reacted like rabbits in the headlights and didn‘t manage to find a suitable replacement, their best chance appears to be if they are running scared - they might stand a chance of getting away. The Orcs have an unassailable lead at the summit of the table, and are runaway favourites for this years championship. The game is scheduled to be played on match day 5.
Match Day 5 Postponed
Due to the wizards magic tournament in Altdorf next Tuesday match day 5 has been put back a week, and will now be in two weeks time.
Average Joes records first victory.
Controversy about Sportsmanship awards,
Roundup of other game on match day 4.
‘Joes Challenged!
Average Joes vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers
Average Joes head coach; Lord Flash, hesitated not in his quest to challenge the humans of the Golden Cannon Ballers to a game on match day 4. With only one game under his belt, and just the one point from that, the coach clearly felt an urgent need to try and launch his team up the standings. For their part the Cannon Ballers had managed one win in three, and were after some much needed points themselves.
In a good natured atmosphere, and in front of 26,000 fans (a 9,000/17,000 split in favour of the Cannon Baller’s) the two sides playing out a match full of movement and mistakes. Joes started on the defensive, but some early pressure saw their human opponents relinquish control of the ball; although not until their catcher had been subjected to three consecutive blocks and many ratty 2+ go-for-its had been failed! Some fancy manoeuvring (and a bit of line dancing) later and Joes gutter runner Cotton McKnight had engineered enough space for a sprint to the line and the first touchdown of the game.
The second half saw the rats receive, and try to roll a cage through the centre of the Cannon Baller’s defence. This proved disastrous as the human blitzers broke it open, and with half the rats lying down on the job the Baller’s catcher was able to jog home for the equaliser, despite a desperate last ditch attempt by Joes thrower Murdock to block him out. At 1-1 Joes still had well over half of the second half to go to search for a winner, but an extremely well organised riot broke out in the ‘Baller‘s fans end, and by the time order had been restored only two turns remained; a challenge to be sure! Fortunately our vermin in blue didn’t let us down, creating a near perfect cage down their left, and with storm vermin La Fleur ‘distracting’ the human blitzer with its fist, tail and shoulder Cotton was left free to waltz in a second just moments before the final whistle. 2-1 it finished, and Average Joes have their first victory of the season.
Match Fixing Scandal
FIFA President Sepp Blatter has called for an inquest into the Average Joes Vs. The Golden Cannon Baller’s match, claiming match fixing on the basis that the Joes coach was offering words of advice to his opposite number that were actually helpful! We are unsure where either Mr Blatter, or Lord Flash are looking to go with this, or why the head of FIFA has mysteriously popped up the Old World. More on this story will not be forth coming.
Match Day 4 Roundup:
Once again two games were played on match day 4, with Average Joes victory over the Golden Cannon Baller’s well documented above. The other match saw a 2-0 victory for the Finger Lickers over the dark elf team; Khaines Killers (how they have fallen from grace with their new coach; Fury). This was a match noted for the number of elves harmed in the making of - mostly due to being pushed into the crowd, 6 suffered this fate at the last count! There was also a genuine comedy moment when the dark elf apothecary attempted to practice his art upon one of the team, and turned his broken leg into a broken neck. We are pleased to report that the leg is mending nicely.
Average Joes Challenged!
The day we have feared is upon us - the head coach of the juggernought Orc side that is leading the table has thrown down the glove to Lord Flash and his ratties! Unfortunately ‘Joes have reacted like rabbits in the headlights and didn‘t manage to find a suitable replacement, their best chance appears to be if they are running scared - they might stand a chance of getting away. The Orcs have an unassailable lead at the summit of the table, and are runaway favourites for this years championship. The game is scheduled to be played on match day 5.
Match Day 5 Postponed
Due to the wizards magic tournament in Altdorf next Tuesday match day 5 has been put back a week, and will now be in two weeks time.
Week 3
This week on the Joe-O-Scope:
Average Joes seal a stunning victory.
The Semi-final draw is announced.
Match Day 6 pre-view.
Average Joes Snatch Unlikely Victory
Average Joes took on the highly rated Orc team; The Drakwald Bruisers, in a match watched by an evenly balanced 30,000 fans. The ‘Bruisers are favourites to lift this years Bloodbowl trophy, and few were betting on the rats walking away with anything, or indeed walking away at all! Prior to kick-off rumour circulated of Coach Flashhearts desperate efforts to find “someone stupid enough” to step into ‘Joes shoes, and debating the merits of forfeiting the game. In his post-match interview the coach confirmed that his initial plan to just not show up went wrong when the team chariot took a wrong turn and ended up at the stadium anyway.
On to the game itself, and the Orc Coach chose to hire a goblin to boost his team numbers, something viewed by Coach Flash with suspicion. The 13 players of Average Joes won the toss, and elected to kick to the Drakwald Bruisers. There followed a sustained period of stalling ratty tactics, and smacking Orcy tactics which would last the entire first half. This was only broken up by a crowd-pleasing moment of pinball when a gutter runner landed a punch and the ball went loose. Added to the Orc throwers seeming inability to pick up the ball regardless of location and pressure and things were interesting for the 15,000 ratty fans. However, the numbers game prevailed (‘Joes having four in the knockout box by the end), and the Orc blitzers and Black Orcs made a gap for the thrower to run in for 1-0 in the dying seconds of the first half - an extremely well timed touchdown following some excellent caging tactics.
The second half saw ’Joes return to the pitch with just about 11 players; one storm vermin (Tank) having been seriously injured in the first half, and the other linerat preferring the company of the bloodwiser ’babe’ to returning to the pitch. The rats were receiving, and looked to make a breakthrough down the right. With team captain; storm vermin La Fleur, having made the gap, The Rat headed into the outfield, followed at a more sedate pace by Cotton McKnight. An accurate throw from Murdock later and Cotton had the ball in the ‘Bruisers half and was looking for the space. The hole having been made he dashed through, and after some unsportsmanlike time-wasting behaviour (and another moment to forget for the Orc thrower when he tripped over his shoelace) he stepped over the line to make it 1-1. The Orcs having just over half of the second half to restore their lead.
The Drakwald coach made a controversial substitution at this point; removing an Orc linesman and sending on The Goblin. Common sense went out the window for the rats as they tried to block the diminutive greenskin off the field - bad memories coming through clearly! The Orcs reverted to their cage-and-hit tactics, but the skaven pulled back each time and slowly gave ground, stalling and looking for what would be an excellent draw. The Orcs became inpatient, and took a risk; The Goblin shook off his marker, and the Orc thrower launched a perfect ball and turned away to celebrate the win…….only for linerat Dive to pluck it out of midair and deny the Orcs the two points! And things would get worse, as Dive laid it off to The Rat, who raced up the pitch and picked out gutter runner Pepper Brooks with a short pass, Pepper shrugged off the attentions of a marking blitzer to make the catch, the dodge, and the score 2-1 to the rats in the dying seconds! From one end zone to the other in a turn; Coach Flash was, needless to say, rather pleased with this result!
Semi-Final Draw Announced
Following Match Day 5, and the general apathy of the SMALLER teams in the competition the organiser and sponsors have taken the decision to run with the big four at the top of the league table, and on Match Day 6 we move into the Semi-Final stage!
Position Team Points
1]. Drakwald Bruisers (Orcs) 11
2]. The Finger Lickers (Chaos) 6
3]. Average Joes (Skaven) 5
4]. Golden Cannon Ballers (Human) 3
Average Joes seal a stunning victory.
The Semi-final draw is announced.
Match Day 6 pre-view.
Average Joes Snatch Unlikely Victory
Average Joes took on the highly rated Orc team; The Drakwald Bruisers, in a match watched by an evenly balanced 30,000 fans. The ‘Bruisers are favourites to lift this years Bloodbowl trophy, and few were betting on the rats walking away with anything, or indeed walking away at all! Prior to kick-off rumour circulated of Coach Flashhearts desperate efforts to find “someone stupid enough” to step into ‘Joes shoes, and debating the merits of forfeiting the game. In his post-match interview the coach confirmed that his initial plan to just not show up went wrong when the team chariot took a wrong turn and ended up at the stadium anyway.
On to the game itself, and the Orc Coach chose to hire a goblin to boost his team numbers, something viewed by Coach Flash with suspicion. The 13 players of Average Joes won the toss, and elected to kick to the Drakwald Bruisers. There followed a sustained period of stalling ratty tactics, and smacking Orcy tactics which would last the entire first half. This was only broken up by a crowd-pleasing moment of pinball when a gutter runner landed a punch and the ball went loose. Added to the Orc throwers seeming inability to pick up the ball regardless of location and pressure and things were interesting for the 15,000 ratty fans. However, the numbers game prevailed (‘Joes having four in the knockout box by the end), and the Orc blitzers and Black Orcs made a gap for the thrower to run in for 1-0 in the dying seconds of the first half - an extremely well timed touchdown following some excellent caging tactics.
The second half saw ’Joes return to the pitch with just about 11 players; one storm vermin (Tank) having been seriously injured in the first half, and the other linerat preferring the company of the bloodwiser ’babe’ to returning to the pitch. The rats were receiving, and looked to make a breakthrough down the right. With team captain; storm vermin La Fleur, having made the gap, The Rat headed into the outfield, followed at a more sedate pace by Cotton McKnight. An accurate throw from Murdock later and Cotton had the ball in the ‘Bruisers half and was looking for the space. The hole having been made he dashed through, and after some unsportsmanlike time-wasting behaviour (and another moment to forget for the Orc thrower when he tripped over his shoelace) he stepped over the line to make it 1-1. The Orcs having just over half of the second half to restore their lead.
The Drakwald coach made a controversial substitution at this point; removing an Orc linesman and sending on The Goblin. Common sense went out the window for the rats as they tried to block the diminutive greenskin off the field - bad memories coming through clearly! The Orcs reverted to their cage-and-hit tactics, but the skaven pulled back each time and slowly gave ground, stalling and looking for what would be an excellent draw. The Orcs became inpatient, and took a risk; The Goblin shook off his marker, and the Orc thrower launched a perfect ball and turned away to celebrate the win…….only for linerat Dive to pluck it out of midair and deny the Orcs the two points! And things would get worse, as Dive laid it off to The Rat, who raced up the pitch and picked out gutter runner Pepper Brooks with a short pass, Pepper shrugged off the attentions of a marking blitzer to make the catch, the dodge, and the score 2-1 to the rats in the dying seconds! From one end zone to the other in a turn; Coach Flash was, needless to say, rather pleased with this result!
Semi-Final Draw Announced
Following Match Day 5, and the general apathy of the SMALLER teams in the competition the organiser and sponsors have taken the decision to run with the big four at the top of the league table, and on Match Day 6 we move into the Semi-Final stage!
Position Team Points
1]. Drakwald Bruisers (Orcs) 11
2]. The Finger Lickers (Chaos) 6
3]. Average Joes (Skaven) 5
4]. Golden Cannon Ballers (Human) 3
First will play fourth, with second taking on third for a
place in this years final. Leaving the following match-ups:
Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers
The Finger Lickers Vs. Average Joes
Match Day 6 Preview
Average Joes first game in a knockout competition for three years will be against a bitter rival, with The Finger Lickers being coached by Al Hardy. They have already met once this season, with ‘Joes lucky to escape with a 1-1 draw on match day 3, they will have to be better against a team that have just the 11 players available to ‘Joes 13, but has the punching ability to make life uncomfortable for the skaven. Joes only injury concern is thrower Murdock, who in a eerie replay of their last knockout match up is unavailable for the big match once again. He has been replaced by an unnamed substitute thrower who maintains the teams 13-player numbers, and will hope its not an omen.
Elsewhere the humans of the Golden Cannon Ballers will be hoping their chariot has more sense than ‘Joes choice of transport, or that the Drakwald Bruisers have a sensational off day.
Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers
The Finger Lickers Vs. Average Joes
Match Day 6 Preview
Average Joes first game in a knockout competition for three years will be against a bitter rival, with The Finger Lickers being coached by Al Hardy. They have already met once this season, with ‘Joes lucky to escape with a 1-1 draw on match day 3, they will have to be better against a team that have just the 11 players available to ‘Joes 13, but has the punching ability to make life uncomfortable for the skaven. Joes only injury concern is thrower Murdock, who in a eerie replay of their last knockout match up is unavailable for the big match once again. He has been replaced by an unnamed substitute thrower who maintains the teams 13-player numbers, and will hope its not an omen.
Elsewhere the humans of the Golden Cannon Ballers will be hoping their chariot has more sense than ‘Joes choice of transport, or that the Drakwald Bruisers have a sensational off day.
Week 4
This week on the Joe-O-Scope:
Average Joes seal a stunning victory.
The Semi-final draw is announced.
Match Day 6 pre-view.
Average Joes Snatch Unlikely Victory
Average Joes took on the highly rated Orc team; The Drakwald Bruisers, in a match watched by an evenly balanced 30,000 fans. The ‘Bruisers are favourites to lift this years Bloodbowl trophy, and few were betting on the rats walking away with anything, or indeed walking away at all! Prior to kick-off rumour circulated of Coach Flashhearts desperate efforts to find “someone stupid enough” to step into ‘Joes shoes, and debating the merits of forfeiting the game. In his post-match interview the coach confirmed that his initial plan to just not show up went wrong when the team chariot took a wrong turn and ended up at the stadium anyway.
On to the game itself, and the Orc Coach chose to hire a goblin to boost his team numbers, something viewed by Coach Flash with suspicion. The 13 players of Average Joes won the toss, and elected to kick to the Drakwald Bruisers. There followed a sustained period of stalling ratty tactics, and smacking Orcy tactics which would last the entire first half. This was only broken up by a crowd-pleasing moment of pinball when a gutter runner landed a punch and the ball went loose. Added to the Orc throwers seeming inability to pick up the ball regardless of location and pressure and things were interesting for the 15,000 ratty fans. However, the numbers game prevailed (‘Joes having four in the knockout box by the end), and the Orc blitzers and Black Orcs made a gap for the thrower to run in for 1-0 in the dying seconds of the first half - an extremely well timed touchdown following some excellent caging tactics.
The second half saw ’Joes return to the pitch with just about 11 players; one storm vermin (Tank) having been seriously injured in the first half, and the other linerat preferring the company of the bloodwiser ’babe’ to returning to the pitch. The rats were receiving, and looked to make a breakthrough down the right. With team captain; storm vermin La Fleur, having made the gap, The Rat headed into the outfield, followed at a more sedate pace by Cotton McKnight. An accurate throw from Murdock later and Cotton had the ball in the ‘Bruisers half and was looking for the space. The hole having been made he dashed through, and after some unsportsmanlike time-wasting behaviour (and another moment to forget for the Orc thrower when he tripped over his shoelace) he stepped over the line to make it 1-1. The Orcs having just over half of the second half to restore their lead.
The Drakwald coach made a controversial substitution at this point; removing an Orc linesman and sending on The Goblin. Common sense went out the window for the rats as they tried to block the diminutive greenskin off the field - bad memories coming through clearly! The Orcs reverted to their cage-and-hit tactics, but the skaven pulled back each time and slowly gave ground, stalling and looking for what would be an excellent draw. The Orcs became inpatient, and took a risk; The Goblin shook off his marker, and the Orc thrower launched a perfect ball and turned away to celebrate the win…….only for linerat Dive to pluck it out of midair and deny the Orcs the two points! And things would get worse, as Dive laid it off to The Rat, who raced up the pitch and picked out gutter runner Pepper Brooks with a short pass, Pepper shrugged off the attentions of a marking blitzer to make the catch, the dodge, and the score 2-1 to the rats in the dying seconds! From one end zone to the other in a turn; Coach Flash was, needless to say, rather pleased with this result!
Semi-Final Draw Announced
Following Match Day 5, and the general apathy of the SMALLER teams in the competition the organiser and sponsors have taken the decision to run with the big four at the top of the league table, and on Match Day 6 we move into the Semi-Final stage!
Position Team Points
1]. Drakwald Bruisers (Orcs) 11
2]. The Finger Lickers (Chaos) 6
3]. Average Joes (Skaven) 5
4]. Golden Cannon Ballers (Human) 3
First will play fourth, with second taking on third for a place in this years final. Leaving the following match-ups:
Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers
The Finger Lickers Vs. Average Joes
Match Day 6 Preview
Average Joes first game in a knockout competition for three years will be against a bitter rival, with The Finger Lickers being coached by Al Hardy. They have already met once this season, with ‘Joes lucky to escape with a 1-1 draw on match day 3, they will have to be better against a team that have just the 11 players available to ‘Joes 13, but has the punching ability to make life uncomfortable for the skaven. Joes only injury concern is thrower Murdock, who in a eerie replay of their last knockout match up is unavailable for the big match once again. He has been replaced by an unnamed substitute thrower who maintains the teams 13-player numbers, and will hope its not an omen.
Elsewhere the humans of the Golden Cannon Ballers will be hoping their chariot has more sense than ‘Joes choice of transport, or that the Drakwald Bruisers have a sensational off day.
Average Joes seal a stunning victory.
The Semi-final draw is announced.
Match Day 6 pre-view.
Average Joes Snatch Unlikely Victory
Average Joes took on the highly rated Orc team; The Drakwald Bruisers, in a match watched by an evenly balanced 30,000 fans. The ‘Bruisers are favourites to lift this years Bloodbowl trophy, and few were betting on the rats walking away with anything, or indeed walking away at all! Prior to kick-off rumour circulated of Coach Flashhearts desperate efforts to find “someone stupid enough” to step into ‘Joes shoes, and debating the merits of forfeiting the game. In his post-match interview the coach confirmed that his initial plan to just not show up went wrong when the team chariot took a wrong turn and ended up at the stadium anyway.
On to the game itself, and the Orc Coach chose to hire a goblin to boost his team numbers, something viewed by Coach Flash with suspicion. The 13 players of Average Joes won the toss, and elected to kick to the Drakwald Bruisers. There followed a sustained period of stalling ratty tactics, and smacking Orcy tactics which would last the entire first half. This was only broken up by a crowd-pleasing moment of pinball when a gutter runner landed a punch and the ball went loose. Added to the Orc throwers seeming inability to pick up the ball regardless of location and pressure and things were interesting for the 15,000 ratty fans. However, the numbers game prevailed (‘Joes having four in the knockout box by the end), and the Orc blitzers and Black Orcs made a gap for the thrower to run in for 1-0 in the dying seconds of the first half - an extremely well timed touchdown following some excellent caging tactics.
The second half saw ’Joes return to the pitch with just about 11 players; one storm vermin (Tank) having been seriously injured in the first half, and the other linerat preferring the company of the bloodwiser ’babe’ to returning to the pitch. The rats were receiving, and looked to make a breakthrough down the right. With team captain; storm vermin La Fleur, having made the gap, The Rat headed into the outfield, followed at a more sedate pace by Cotton McKnight. An accurate throw from Murdock later and Cotton had the ball in the ‘Bruisers half and was looking for the space. The hole having been made he dashed through, and after some unsportsmanlike time-wasting behaviour (and another moment to forget for the Orc thrower when he tripped over his shoelace) he stepped over the line to make it 1-1. The Orcs having just over half of the second half to restore their lead.
The Drakwald coach made a controversial substitution at this point; removing an Orc linesman and sending on The Goblin. Common sense went out the window for the rats as they tried to block the diminutive greenskin off the field - bad memories coming through clearly! The Orcs reverted to their cage-and-hit tactics, but the skaven pulled back each time and slowly gave ground, stalling and looking for what would be an excellent draw. The Orcs became inpatient, and took a risk; The Goblin shook off his marker, and the Orc thrower launched a perfect ball and turned away to celebrate the win…….only for linerat Dive to pluck it out of midair and deny the Orcs the two points! And things would get worse, as Dive laid it off to The Rat, who raced up the pitch and picked out gutter runner Pepper Brooks with a short pass, Pepper shrugged off the attentions of a marking blitzer to make the catch, the dodge, and the score 2-1 to the rats in the dying seconds! From one end zone to the other in a turn; Coach Flash was, needless to say, rather pleased with this result!
Semi-Final Draw Announced
Following Match Day 5, and the general apathy of the SMALLER teams in the competition the organiser and sponsors have taken the decision to run with the big four at the top of the league table, and on Match Day 6 we move into the Semi-Final stage!
Position Team Points
1]. Drakwald Bruisers (Orcs) 11
2]. The Finger Lickers (Chaos) 6
3]. Average Joes (Skaven) 5
4]. Golden Cannon Ballers (Human) 3
First will play fourth, with second taking on third for a place in this years final. Leaving the following match-ups:
Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers
The Finger Lickers Vs. Average Joes
Match Day 6 Preview
Average Joes first game in a knockout competition for three years will be against a bitter rival, with The Finger Lickers being coached by Al Hardy. They have already met once this season, with ‘Joes lucky to escape with a 1-1 draw on match day 3, they will have to be better against a team that have just the 11 players available to ‘Joes 13, but has the punching ability to make life uncomfortable for the skaven. Joes only injury concern is thrower Murdock, who in a eerie replay of their last knockout match up is unavailable for the big match once again. He has been replaced by an unnamed substitute thrower who maintains the teams 13-player numbers, and will hope its not an omen.
Elsewhere the humans of the Golden Cannon Ballers will be hoping their chariot has more sense than ‘Joes choice of transport, or that the Drakwald Bruisers have a sensational off day.
Week 5
This week on the Joe-O-Scope:
Average Joes vs. Finger Lickers semi-final match report.
Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers report.
Interview with the coach.
Cup Final Pre-view.
‘Joes Feed Lickers To The Birds
Average Joes booked their place in their 3rd consecutive RGMB Bloodbowl Final with a stunning victory over bitter rivals the Finger Lickers. Pre-match talk had centred around ‘Joes poor record in knockout competitions against ‘Lickers head coach Al Hardy’s teams, and included a lively discussion about the choice of chicken pies as the half time snack. The Finger Lickers fans voted with their absence about the entertainment value of their team; 10,000 turning up and being mostly out-sung by the 14,000 ratty fans.
‘Joes won the toss, and elected to kick to the Chaos team, who started extremely sluggishly. A clearly pre-planned kicking strategy enabled ‘Joes to blitz their way through the opposition offence, with storm vermin Tank opening the way for Cotton to race through and score with the game only minutes old! There was barely time to blink when the same move worked for a second consecutive time. Skaven captain La Fleur provided the muscle this time, and Cotton capitalising for his second touchdown of the game, and his sixth of the campaign. The Finger Lickers appeared shell-shocked, and little wonder, virtually every move they tried broke down in disarray. And it was one such effort that saw Patchy, the ‘Joes substitute thrower, break free after some shoving had robbed the Chaos chickens of the ball, and run in number three just before the end of the half.
Deep gloom had settled on the Chaos bench as they realised they would have to kick to the rats in the second half, and not even the offer of a half-time hug in a toilet from a well-wisher could raise their head coach from his pessimistic thoughts. And they had good reason to worry, because no sooner had the second half began but Patchy broke free from a rolling skaven cage on the left to launch a short pass up the centre, and gutter runner Pepper Brooks pulled it out of the air to score his second touchdown of the season. The ‘Lickers were in disarray and leaderless, and, when two of the chaos chickens ran into each other, the gutter runner The Rat was on hand to steal away the ball for Average Joes record fifth touchdown of the game.
Coach Al Hardy was not happy. And after spitting out feathers and grilling his team, he ordered them back out onto the field for the final drive, with the instruction to only come back after they had crippled the opposition! With some pride restored his side went about their work, and soon several knockouts and a couple of minor injuries reduced the numbers of skaven players enough to enable a chicken to slip through for a consolation touchdown.
Final score was Average Joes 5, the Finger Lickers 1, with some ghosts of past playoffs definitely exercised! Next up the cup final!
Match Report: Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers
The un-fancied team from the human league took a shock first half lead, with the Drakwald Bruisers goblin at fault when the Orc side were supposed to be on the offensive. The Cannon Ballers fans took their celebrations a tad too far however, and a short riot later and the referee had wound the clock back, giving the Orcs the chance to equalise before the half was over - the goblin redeeming himself. The second half dropped back into a more predictable pattern, with the Orcs hitting, and the humans hurting, falling and stalling. It still took most of the second half for the winner too come, and it would be scored by an Orc player, sending his team to the final, 2-1 winners.
Interview Section
We sent out roving reporter Linda McDougal to get an interview with the victorious ‘Joes head coach; Lord Flash, and here’s what he had to say.
How do you feel after that amazing result?
“Absolutely over the moon! We tried to turn up today with a game plan, but I left it in the hotel so we just (chicken) winged it mainly.”
Were the excellent blitz’s that we say your side execute in the first half something you’ve worked on at the training ground?
“Not really sure what one of those is, we went to a pre-match barbecue if that’s what you mean?”
Not quite, what does this win mean for you and the team?
“Quite simply we’ve reached the top. Its champagne and roses from now on, the lads played a good game, it was a team effort, and the only way is down, blah, blah, blah.”
Surely you will be able to lift yourselves for the cup final next week?
“Well, yeah, sure we’ll turn up, probably, may as well.”
What about the future, will we see Average Joes under your leadership again next year?
“Perhaps, perhaps not, if we win next week then maybe we’ve reached the top and its time to step aside. Or maybe we’ll just spend the winnings on some better kit and keep going!”
Thank you Lord Flash.
Cup Final Preview
Despite Average Joes victory last week against the Orc side, the Drakwald Bruisers will still enter this game as the bookes favourites. The skaven will be heavily reliant upon their gutter runner trident of Cotton, Pepper and The Rat, while hoping storm vermin Tank and captain La Fleur can keep their bigger opponents at bay. For their part the ‘Bruisers will be desperately seeking revenge following their last minute defeat, and will be happy to go to any lengths to achieve it. Both sides go into the match with similar team ratings, and no injury worries.
Average Joes vs. Finger Lickers semi-final match report.
Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers report.
Interview with the coach.
Cup Final Pre-view.
‘Joes Feed Lickers To The Birds
Average Joes booked their place in their 3rd consecutive RGMB Bloodbowl Final with a stunning victory over bitter rivals the Finger Lickers. Pre-match talk had centred around ‘Joes poor record in knockout competitions against ‘Lickers head coach Al Hardy’s teams, and included a lively discussion about the choice of chicken pies as the half time snack. The Finger Lickers fans voted with their absence about the entertainment value of their team; 10,000 turning up and being mostly out-sung by the 14,000 ratty fans.
‘Joes won the toss, and elected to kick to the Chaos team, who started extremely sluggishly. A clearly pre-planned kicking strategy enabled ‘Joes to blitz their way through the opposition offence, with storm vermin Tank opening the way for Cotton to race through and score with the game only minutes old! There was barely time to blink when the same move worked for a second consecutive time. Skaven captain La Fleur provided the muscle this time, and Cotton capitalising for his second touchdown of the game, and his sixth of the campaign. The Finger Lickers appeared shell-shocked, and little wonder, virtually every move they tried broke down in disarray. And it was one such effort that saw Patchy, the ‘Joes substitute thrower, break free after some shoving had robbed the Chaos chickens of the ball, and run in number three just before the end of the half.
Deep gloom had settled on the Chaos bench as they realised they would have to kick to the rats in the second half, and not even the offer of a half-time hug in a toilet from a well-wisher could raise their head coach from his pessimistic thoughts. And they had good reason to worry, because no sooner had the second half began but Patchy broke free from a rolling skaven cage on the left to launch a short pass up the centre, and gutter runner Pepper Brooks pulled it out of the air to score his second touchdown of the season. The ‘Lickers were in disarray and leaderless, and, when two of the chaos chickens ran into each other, the gutter runner The Rat was on hand to steal away the ball for Average Joes record fifth touchdown of the game.
Coach Al Hardy was not happy. And after spitting out feathers and grilling his team, he ordered them back out onto the field for the final drive, with the instruction to only come back after they had crippled the opposition! With some pride restored his side went about their work, and soon several knockouts and a couple of minor injuries reduced the numbers of skaven players enough to enable a chicken to slip through for a consolation touchdown.
Final score was Average Joes 5, the Finger Lickers 1, with some ghosts of past playoffs definitely exercised! Next up the cup final!
Match Report: Drakwald Bruisers Vs. The Golden Cannon Ballers
The un-fancied team from the human league took a shock first half lead, with the Drakwald Bruisers goblin at fault when the Orc side were supposed to be on the offensive. The Cannon Ballers fans took their celebrations a tad too far however, and a short riot later and the referee had wound the clock back, giving the Orcs the chance to equalise before the half was over - the goblin redeeming himself. The second half dropped back into a more predictable pattern, with the Orcs hitting, and the humans hurting, falling and stalling. It still took most of the second half for the winner too come, and it would be scored by an Orc player, sending his team to the final, 2-1 winners.
Interview Section
We sent out roving reporter Linda McDougal to get an interview with the victorious ‘Joes head coach; Lord Flash, and here’s what he had to say.
How do you feel after that amazing result?
“Absolutely over the moon! We tried to turn up today with a game plan, but I left it in the hotel so we just (chicken) winged it mainly.”
Were the excellent blitz’s that we say your side execute in the first half something you’ve worked on at the training ground?
“Not really sure what one of those is, we went to a pre-match barbecue if that’s what you mean?”
Not quite, what does this win mean for you and the team?
“Quite simply we’ve reached the top. Its champagne and roses from now on, the lads played a good game, it was a team effort, and the only way is down, blah, blah, blah.”
Surely you will be able to lift yourselves for the cup final next week?
“Well, yeah, sure we’ll turn up, probably, may as well.”
What about the future, will we see Average Joes under your leadership again next year?
“Perhaps, perhaps not, if we win next week then maybe we’ve reached the top and its time to step aside. Or maybe we’ll just spend the winnings on some better kit and keep going!”
Thank you Lord Flash.
Cup Final Preview
Despite Average Joes victory last week against the Orc side, the Drakwald Bruisers will still enter this game as the bookes favourites. The skaven will be heavily reliant upon their gutter runner trident of Cotton, Pepper and The Rat, while hoping storm vermin Tank and captain La Fleur can keep their bigger opponents at bay. For their part the ‘Bruisers will be desperately seeking revenge following their last minute defeat, and will be happy to go to any lengths to achieve it. Both sides go into the match with similar team ratings, and no injury worries.
Week 6
This week in the last 2011 Joe-O-Scope:
The Cup Final - result & report
Seasons awards
Signing Off for 2011
Drakwald Bruisers Victorious In Controversial Final
The day of the cup final brought steady drizzle, and complaints that if the match had been held in the south of Tilea instead we would all have been happier and drier. Average Joes were first to the stadium, and first onto the pitch - 15,000 ratty fans waving their tails in anticipation of the kick-off, which was scheduled for 7pm.
At 7.01pm, and with no sign of the Drakwald Bruisers, Lord Flash approached the referee, using such words and phrases as ‘late again’, ‘C’mon ref’ and ‘forfeit’.
At 7.09pm the Orcs and their 14,000 fans arrived, and, unfortunately for brave Lord Flash, appear to have never had the word ‘forfeit’ explained to them. The game began without further ado, the Bruisers on the offensive and Average Joes with the option of play or (and?) be flattened. In an echo of their semi-final victory ‘Joes were in fact quick off the mark, attempting an early blitz. However, unlike the chickens, the Orc blitzers and black orcs were more than up to the task and closed them out. The rest of the first half was full of ‘look away now’ moments for the skaven in the stadium, as their team hopelessly threw their bodies in the day of the Orc steamroller in desperate attempts to stop them scoring before the end of the half. This was not the team that ‘Joes had beaten 2-1 several weeks ago, but a much improved version that not even the gutter runners prowess could even the tables against.
By half time the breakthrough had come, the Bruisers were 1-0 up, and three ‘Joes players were seriously injured and out for the count - they would have to play the second half without both throwers (Patchy and Murdoch), or storm vermin Tank. Luckily 4 out of the 5 knocked out skaven returned to the pitch, but it was more of the same as they had to contend with not only the Orcs ploughing through them, but also their own luck being a reverse of the semi-final. The single bright spark came just after a long moment where it looked like the Orcs would regain possession and score a second. Gutter runner Cotton McKnight produced a moment of individual brilliance, stealing the ball from under the noses of three Orc players, and dancing around five more over the course of two turns before speeding in for a touchdown to make it 1-1. It had cost them another two players knocked out, and The Rat had joined the serious injuries roll-call.
The Orcs had three turns to score a winner, and Average Joes were on the ropes, with simply too few players to cover every angle. A distraction run by The Goblin helped open some space, which Cotton and Pepper struggled to shut down, before the Orc thrower found a blitzer with a short pass, and he was able to bring it down and run in for 2-1 with the last touch of the second half. In a very real sense he had spared Average Joes the pain of extra time with a time woefully out-muscled everywhere on the pitch.
2011 Average Joes Awards
Most Influential Player - Cotton McKnight (The gutter runner scored most of ‘Joes touchdowns, was chief tormentor of the chickens, and even dragged them back into a one-sided final).
Top Scorer - Cotton McKnight. (With seven touchdowns for the season he was not only the top scoring skaven, but also the top scorer for the competition).
Enforcer of the Season (caused most casualties) - N/A
And for the overall competition:
Overall Winners - The Drakwald Bruisers.
Top Scoring Team - Average Joes & Drakwald Bruisers both with 11 TD’s.
Top Scoring Player - Cotton McKnight with 7 TD’s for Average Joes.
Coach of the Season - Mr Crish (Drakwald Bruisers) for building an unstoppable machine.
Biggest Underachievers - Finger Lickers. (Humiliating semi-final exit at hands of biggest rivals)
Overachievers - Golden Cannon Ballers. (Recahing the semi-final and pushing the Bruisers to the end).
Biggest Hissy Fit (also known as the Diva Award) - Lord Flash (Average Joes) when the Bruisers failed to understand the term ‘forfeit’.
Sportsmanship Award - Head Coach of the Finger Lickers; Al Hardy, for playing on when all hope was lost in their semi-final.
What now for ‘Joes?
With that defeat Average Joes have now contested the last three consecutive RGMB Bloodbowl Cup Finals, and been on the losing end of each one, rarely looking like victory was coming their way. With the short life expectancy of the average rat is this the end of ‘Joes? Even if they continue will they ever have enough to beat the bully-boy power teams of the Bloodbowl world? Is the game too much about money? Will Lord Flash ever return from his self imposed exile to the beaches of Lustria? And will the aardvarks reach the summit of Mount Panama?
This is Roland Rat, signing off for another year, keep waving those tails rat-fans.
The Cup Final - result & report
Seasons awards
Signing Off for 2011
Drakwald Bruisers Victorious In Controversial Final
The day of the cup final brought steady drizzle, and complaints that if the match had been held in the south of Tilea instead we would all have been happier and drier. Average Joes were first to the stadium, and first onto the pitch - 15,000 ratty fans waving their tails in anticipation of the kick-off, which was scheduled for 7pm.
At 7.01pm, and with no sign of the Drakwald Bruisers, Lord Flash approached the referee, using such words and phrases as ‘late again’, ‘C’mon ref’ and ‘forfeit’.
At 7.09pm the Orcs and their 14,000 fans arrived, and, unfortunately for brave Lord Flash, appear to have never had the word ‘forfeit’ explained to them. The game began without further ado, the Bruisers on the offensive and Average Joes with the option of play or (and?) be flattened. In an echo of their semi-final victory ‘Joes were in fact quick off the mark, attempting an early blitz. However, unlike the chickens, the Orc blitzers and black orcs were more than up to the task and closed them out. The rest of the first half was full of ‘look away now’ moments for the skaven in the stadium, as their team hopelessly threw their bodies in the day of the Orc steamroller in desperate attempts to stop them scoring before the end of the half. This was not the team that ‘Joes had beaten 2-1 several weeks ago, but a much improved version that not even the gutter runners prowess could even the tables against.
By half time the breakthrough had come, the Bruisers were 1-0 up, and three ‘Joes players were seriously injured and out for the count - they would have to play the second half without both throwers (Patchy and Murdoch), or storm vermin Tank. Luckily 4 out of the 5 knocked out skaven returned to the pitch, but it was more of the same as they had to contend with not only the Orcs ploughing through them, but also their own luck being a reverse of the semi-final. The single bright spark came just after a long moment where it looked like the Orcs would regain possession and score a second. Gutter runner Cotton McKnight produced a moment of individual brilliance, stealing the ball from under the noses of three Orc players, and dancing around five more over the course of two turns before speeding in for a touchdown to make it 1-1. It had cost them another two players knocked out, and The Rat had joined the serious injuries roll-call.
The Orcs had three turns to score a winner, and Average Joes were on the ropes, with simply too few players to cover every angle. A distraction run by The Goblin helped open some space, which Cotton and Pepper struggled to shut down, before the Orc thrower found a blitzer with a short pass, and he was able to bring it down and run in for 2-1 with the last touch of the second half. In a very real sense he had spared Average Joes the pain of extra time with a time woefully out-muscled everywhere on the pitch.
2011 Average Joes Awards
Most Influential Player - Cotton McKnight (The gutter runner scored most of ‘Joes touchdowns, was chief tormentor of the chickens, and even dragged them back into a one-sided final).
Top Scorer - Cotton McKnight. (With seven touchdowns for the season he was not only the top scoring skaven, but also the top scorer for the competition).
Enforcer of the Season (caused most casualties) - N/A
And for the overall competition:
Overall Winners - The Drakwald Bruisers.
Top Scoring Team - Average Joes & Drakwald Bruisers both with 11 TD’s.
Top Scoring Player - Cotton McKnight with 7 TD’s for Average Joes.
Coach of the Season - Mr Crish (Drakwald Bruisers) for building an unstoppable machine.
Biggest Underachievers - Finger Lickers. (Humiliating semi-final exit at hands of biggest rivals)
Overachievers - Golden Cannon Ballers. (Recahing the semi-final and pushing the Bruisers to the end).
Biggest Hissy Fit (also known as the Diva Award) - Lord Flash (Average Joes) when the Bruisers failed to understand the term ‘forfeit’.
Sportsmanship Award - Head Coach of the Finger Lickers; Al Hardy, for playing on when all hope was lost in their semi-final.
What now for ‘Joes?
With that defeat Average Joes have now contested the last three consecutive RGMB Bloodbowl Cup Finals, and been on the losing end of each one, rarely looking like victory was coming their way. With the short life expectancy of the average rat is this the end of ‘Joes? Even if they continue will they ever have enough to beat the bully-boy power teams of the Bloodbowl world? Is the game too much about money? Will Lord Flash ever return from his self imposed exile to the beaches of Lustria? And will the aardvarks reach the summit of Mount Panama?
This is Roland Rat, signing off for another year, keep waving those tails rat-fans.
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